misadventures of motherhood

It's the small things...

2012-01-20T09:00:00.001-06:00

I've been at this mom thing for almost 6 years and in those years I have noticed that so much hinges on small things. Sometimes it is having to say the same things over and over and OVER that will just set me off. Sometimes it is a small accomplishment that my kids don't even realize but because I have watched their little journey so close that I can almost tell you their very thoughts...I KNOW it is a big deal.

Repeated conversations that make me want to bash my head against a wall....
*Do you need to go potty?...I think you need to go potty...please go potty...Did you potty in your pants?
*Quit touching your brother...leave him alone...don't touch him at all...yes, a hug counts...I don't think he wants a kiss right now...just do whatever you want.
*You need to get ready...are you ready? do you have your shoes on? teeth brushed? you don't have your shoes on...please put your shoes on...well, find a pair of socks...no, I don't know where your shoes are...did you put them in the bin or in your room?...no I don't know where your bag is...did you put it on the hook?...no I don't know where your jacket is...probably with your shoes...that are still not on your feet.
*No, you cannot be excused from the table...I think you are bored with eating but not full...have a few more bites...a few is three...have three more bites...no you can't have a piece of candy...
*Get in the car...please get in the car...why are you standing...please sit in your seat...start putting your seatbelt on (as if we haven't done this every day of their little lives...usually multiple times a day)...I know it is cold but I can't turn the car on until I have you buckled up...no, you can't turn the car on...

But...
then there are those moments...those sweet sweet moments that I cling to...
*My oldest has figured out how to pronounce his "k" sound...it use to come out as a "t" but not anymore...it is a "k" sound. He worked on it. He made a conscience effort to correct himself and my heart both broke and soared. Broke because he is becoming aware of his shortcomings and changing them (and yes I know this is also a good thing)...Soared because he is growing and changing right before my very eyes.
*My daughter who was painfully shy at the beginning of the school year is now making friends. She is learning how to play with others. She is also standing up for herself. It is this beautiful transformation that I get to be a part of.
*My daughter who could hardly communicate her needs 6 months ago is suddenly speaking in complete sentences. She looks at me with her little eyes that are trying so hard to look like a "big girl" and tells me quite confidently what is what....thank you very much.
*My son who is almost 6 asked to be held yesterday...yes and thank you. It reminded me that no matter...you really are never too old for your mom.
moments...those sweet moments...

t

if I wasn't laughing I would be crying...oh wait I am crying...the title of this entry is being the mom of 3 kids...

2012-01-11T08:46:00.000-06:00

So I have taken a bit of a hiatus from blogging since May. Oh I managed a couple of entries I think. I don't really remember because quite frankly I have no mind. All logic and reason have gone out the window. I am simply in survival mode. I kept thinking that this phase would pass. The onset was really when #3 was born although the build up was long before that...oh the 9 months, I'd say. But the phase isn't passing and so now I am in a place of acceptance. I have no mind. I am only blogging at this moment because I have so much to do and I don't want to do any of it...I've already checked Facebook and Pinterest multiple times. I refuse to read/watch the news because that would send me into a spiral...so I'm blogging.

Things that I have learned with 3 kids...
*At any given time someone is crying/whining...it is really "funny" when you realize that the crying is coming from you.
*At any given time someone is throwing a fit...not surprising that I fall into this category as well.
*My kids now know that when I start calling on the name of Jesus that they need to quit talking, moving, hitting, throwing...whatever they may be doing because Mom is either calling for a spiritual intervention or calling on some divine power...either one of those merit silence.
*I can now add professional wiper to my resume...who knew? I wipe noses, faces, hands, bottoms, dirt off of clothes, snot off of my shoulder, spit up off shirt, food off of the floor/table/wall.
*Toys mate and multiply. I don't know how this works. Yes, I do know it is scientifically impossible but ask any mom (especially one that lives in a smaller house) and it happens. I am as amazed as you are.
*This is the new normal...sometimes when you have kids you think...well, when they are a bit older our life will go back to normal. 3 kids later--life never goes back to "normal". This is the new "normal". Don't cry...don't fret...just accept...have a cup of coffee and move on.
*There are not enough hours in the day...so at any given moment, someone is going to be neglected...unhappy...unbathed...this is just life. Handle this as you will...I am currently saving up for my children to go to counseling.
*MY LIFE IS CRAZY...and there is not one part of me that would trade any of my 3 precious babies in...not even for a moment...and so I breathe...say a prayer...and drink another cup of coffee...

so until my to do list is so overwhelming that i have to blog again...
t

Sleep...such a good idea

2011-08-09T06:43:00.000-05:00

If you are a parent, sleep is a bit of a touchy subject. When we had #1, we bought a book that told us how to put our baby on schedule that would result in him sleeping through the night at 2 months (or something like that). I LOVE schedules!! And we had baby #1 on a great schedule. We did just what the book told us to do and at 9 months, our sweet #1 was still waking up early in the morning to eat...Funny thing is...he is still an early riser...so were we not doing it right or is he just maybe naturally programmed to wake up early. He also gave up his naps at a really early age (still crying about that). #2 was on a good schedule and was always a better sleeper than #1. As she has grown, we have noticed that she needs more sleep. She continues to need naps and usually sleeps later than #1 in the morning...she is also a night owl. She wakes up around 9:00 p.m. Now #3...

First...let me say that I haven't got a full night sleep in oh...5 years. It is always something. Prior to baby being born, it is being uncomfortable and having to go to the bathroom every five minutes. Once baby is born, it is having to feed every three hours. These are the hardest nights, I think. But even after nursing is over, it is always something--a nightmare, wetting the bed (baby not me), a drink of water...something.

I write this because something monumental happened last night. I fed #3 at 10:30 pm before I went to bed. He slept until 5:30 am. I got 7 consecutive hours of sleep!!! I'm a whole new woman...okay not really. I'm still tired. I've been sleep deprived for 5 years. That isn't going to go away with one night of good sleep but I am SO SO thankful that #3 slept those blessed 7 hours. Let me just say that of my 3 kids, he is on the most inconsistent schedule. I feed him about every 3 hours. That is the only thing that I stick to. I try to make sure he gets some kind of nap between feedings. Sometimes he sleeps the whole the time and sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he goes to sleep immediately after eating and sometimes he stays up for a bit and then takes a nap. I don't even really know if he has put himself on a schedule...I'm too busy trying to keep up with #1, #2 and the mounds of laundry. And then look at him...sleeping through the night. I could just kiss him all over...okay...I do kiss him all over.

....And then before I know it, they will be sleeping until noon and I will be using my third voice on them and reminiscing about the days when I could hold them in my arms...and they needed me...even in the middle of the night. You know?

tara

One Year Anniversary

2011-08-01T20:44:00.000-05:00

So Jason and I are coming up on our one year anniversary in NC. We were talking just the other night about how our knowledge of the military has increased in the past year...but that is not the only thing that has happened this past year. I feel the need to commemorate our first year in NC...my first year out of my beloved state of OK. A lot has happened...join me as I record it for posterity's sake...or something like that...

Okay so first I must state that I love OK. I love it...I love our state song...I love the fact that our state flower is really a fungus...I love that we have the best Mexican food...I love OU...even more now that I live in NC and don't have to deal with really annoying and obnoxious OU fans...I love that our state isn't anything really to look at but very rarely do you meet someone who has lived in OK (and I have met a few on this little military base) who doesn't mention how great the people are...and they are great!!

...but I have learned a few things in the past year...and have seen the divine hand that led us to this little state called NC...

*God doesn't just reside in OK...we have found an amazing church family here in NC!! We are growing and being challenged and I can't tell you what a blessing it is!!
*When in the military, it doesn't pay to take your time getting to know people...jump in with two feet... I have met some amazing women this year and my life has been enriched by the love and openness I have received from these women!
*I have gained a whole new respect for the families that are sending their sailors/soldiers/marines off to far away places and are being left behind...hoping and praying their loved one comes back. The courage it takes to let them go and keep life going as if it is "normal" is astounding.
*The beach is great but the sand really stinks!!
*There are good people everywhere!
*There are also Walmarts and Targets everywhere...and so one can survive.
*There is nothing like watching a room full of sailors and marines stand at attention when the colors are presented.
*I can survive away from my family.
*Just because I have a baby in NC doesn't mean he is a tarheel...what is a tarheel anyway? I can't find one North Carolinian that can tell me.
*My home is where Jason is...this has been one of the biggest lessons I have learned...

I went back to OK last December for a few weeks. J could only join us for one of those weeks. It was funny....I had anticipated my trip "home". I had planned and dreamed about what I wanted to do while I was there but once I got there...it just didn't work out like I thought. I loved being in OK but something was missing...he was missing....one of the biggest lessons I have learned this past year is that Jason and Liam and Eliana and now my sweet Leyton are my home...it has very, VERY little to do with geography...if anything at all and seems to have the most to do with the people. I still miss OK...mostly the family and friends...and the Vietnamese food and Mexican food...but this is where I belong because the people I belong with are here...

Happy One Year Anniversary to us!!!!

tara

The craziness also known as my life

2011-07-30T20:36:00.001-05:00

Confession 1: I am a horrible multi-tasker. I just am. I don't write this for sympathy or encouragement...it is just a fact that must be stated because as you can deduce, being a horrible multi-tasker and mother of three creates a complicated situation. A complicated situation that I have been drowning in for 2 1/2 months. Thus...very few blog posts.

Confession 2: I just put all of my maternity clothes in a consignment sale. Do you know what this means? No more babies for the Hicks. Yes, I do know that selling the clothes does not close my womb but it is the first step in me sayng and meaning...no more kids for us...or maybe a whole new wardrobe for me if we have another baby...no really no more kids for us. Refer to confession #1 if you are confused about confession #2.

Confession 3: Because I am having no more babies and my life is chaos 24/7...I am loving...LOVING holding my sweet baby #3. He is gushy and squishy and just perfect and already growing too fast. I'm trying to savor the smells and coos and baby yumminess because no matter how done I am there will always be a part of my heart that isn't quite done...that is how we were created women...

Confession 4: Baby #3 has way less pictures than the other two. I'm truly sorry but honestly I'm exhausted...period...I'm just exhausted.

Confession 5: I love elastic waist pants and swimsuits with skirts...for so many good reasons.

the end

tara

Happy birthday, anniversary, father's day...and any other significant day that we can fit into early summer...

2011-06-18T10:46:00.001-05:00

So we have had a busy couple of months...who am I kidding?! We have had a busy 6 years. J and I were married 6 years ago as of May 14th...For those of you keeping tabs on my life (all of you, I know), that was a day after we had baby #3. And then May 16th marked J's birthday. Both were overshadowed by the new life of our son...and a very overwhelmed and tired wife/mama. But here we are on the eve of Father's Day and seeing that I am slowly emerging out of the fog of pregnancy (although very much in the fog of sleep deprivation), I want to give honor where honor is due.

Six years ago I married my sweet J. This is us on our honeymoon. Little did we know the adventure/roller coaster we had just signed ourselves up for...3 kids, 5 moves, 7 jobs (between the two of us) later, I can say with absolute certainty that I love him more now than I did then. He has shown me love and patience, forgiveness and steadfastness. We have fought and fought through it only to arrive on the other side. I love watching him grow as a husband and father. He has made me a better person. I am so thankful that he is who I get to walk through life with...and oh so thankful for the 3 little people that are a little piece of him and a little piece of me. My cup runneth over! So happy Father's Day. Happy Anniversary! And Happy Birthday! Next year I hope to be a little more together...but I'm not keeping my finger's crossed.

This is J moments after the birth of #3. Such a tender moment to witness. I think I fell in love with him all over.

It is time to catch up...

2011-06-06T20:31:00.003-05:00

First, sorry for all of you who have already heard #3s birth story. Wait another month and I should have enough time and energy to write another blog post.

So it was May 12th (two days before due date) and I was done. I was over being pregnant. I was tired and uncomfortable and just feeling downright impatient. I'm sure I was a peach to be around as well. I went to visit the midwife and had her strip my membrane (which sounds worse than it is but still is no walk in the park). This induced #2's labor...and it worked for #3 as well. I contracted the rest of the day. Nothing regular or hard. I was having mixed emotions as the day wore on because it looked like I was going to have my baby on Friday 13th. But I figured that God made Friday 13th as well as any other day and at that point, I really didn't care what day it was....I needed that baby out of my belly. By evening, we decided to get the kids to the place they were staying before bedtime. I was thinking it was going to be the night. We dropped them off at a sweet friend's house. P.S. one of the sweetest things you can do for a pregnant woman is 1) cook food for her 2) offer to watch her kids for her while she has a baby. Such a blessing!! J and I then took ourselves to the hospital. They admitted me and watched me for an hour. They decided that I wasn't progressing fast enough and sent me home. I was home for two hours and then back at the hospital. I told them I wasn't going home. They really didn't take me too seriously. I was having strong contractions and felt like someone was trying to pull my legs off my body at my hips...the nurses thought that I was putting on a good show. I have horrible back labor which was making it impossible to get even remotely comfortable. I was now asking for the epidural. They said that they needed to wait for the midwife--which they hadn't called because they didn't think I was progressing that fast. After about an hour--aka eternity--the nurse checked me again...I had gone from 3 cm dilation to a 5. She was surprised (I was not) and went to call the midwife...finally...thank you very much. By the time the midwife had got there and checked I was dilated to about an 8...and the anesthesiologist was called FINALLY!! I was just crying during contractions at this point. J was wonderful. He just hugged me and let me cry. My midwife saw how much I hurt and gave me something to take the bite out of the contractions while I waited for my epidural. YES! (sidenote: One thing I learned in all of this...always say yes to drugs). I was desperate for anything. The drugs were finally administered...the good drugs. The drugs that took me from excruciating pain wondering what I had ever done to this little creature that made him feel like he had to rip my body in two, back to the woman that was really happy to be having a baby. I was able to laugh and smile. It also slowed down my labor which was a good thing. Our little #3 was coming out like a freight train which is what happened with #2 and she did quite the number on my body. I think the slowed down labor allowed my body to accommodate our little man just a bit. After some talking and pushing and talking...and by the way...I don't mind shooting the bull...but I really don't want to talk about my career choices with you random L&D nurse. Thank you for advice in between contractions about how I can go back to school after my kids are a little bit older...I don't want to talk to you ever again!! I'm still a little bitter about the whole not calling the midwife thing...so I really don't care what your advice is...you don't exist to me. Anyway, my little man was born at 5:14 on yes, Friday, May 13th. Friday or no Friday...it was a great day. My recovery has been really good. Much MUCH quicker than with #2. With #2, I thought I was going to die...and kind of wanted to die I hurt so bad. Not so this time and that in and of itself has been oh-so wonderful...almost tricks me into thinking that I should have a #4...ALMOST! #3 is sweet and loved on very much by #2 and #1...almost too much. "Please don't turn baby brother's head that way." "Let's not grab him by the neck." Lots and lots of love in our house.

So that is his story. Seriously, we feel very blessed. There were several things that we were praying for and God said yes to all of them that night. He is so good to us!

Okay...I'll reappear in oh...a few years...but I'm idealistically shooting for a month.

tara

New Additions

2011-05-13T21:13:00.000-05:00

We had our sweet baby boy. Story will come later but for now go here...It made me cry. I am so blessed to have family that loves my babies almost as much as I do...Thank you! And thank you God for technology that makes it feel like they are here with me.

till then, tara

Sweet post from my sister!

It's all about the timing...

2011-05-05T04:39:00.001-05:00

5:20 in the morning. I have been awake since 4:00. Thank you baby number three for removing all illusions that I will someday be able to get more than 6 hours of sleep consecutively. I am praying for some magical years between young grade school and before dating and driving (where I will be forced by sheer panic to stay up until my kids get home)...where my kids love to sleep...but let's be real--by then I will be getting up multiple times to go to the bathroom and probably find 5:00 a.m. the best time to watch birds or something like that...
So I am awake and feel somewhat motivated to move that wretched picture of me a little further down the page until it becomes a distant memory for all of us.
I am almost 39 weeks pregnant (Saturday) and feeling every bit of it right now. My body is tired and I'm quite cranky to tell you the truth. You know that you are in a mood when you are looking forward to having a baby just so that you can be in place for a couple of days minus your kids. It was just one of those days yesterday. I think both of my kids sense the change and transition that is coming.
It started yesterday morning. I woke up thinking that it could be the day. It was a motivator considering I hadn't packed my bag or the bags for the kids...and I hadn't done the grocery shopping. This concerned me the most. So the kids were up by 6:15. We were showered, dressed and off to the commissary. Our commissary has these great carts that are like cars. They sit two kids but the car part is up top...I can't really explain it but trust me, the cart is the highlight...that and the free cookie waiting in the bakery. But in exchange for the blissful cart, you do not have as much space. Not usually a problem unless you are buying for the apocalypse a.k.a. Baby Hicks #3. There was a fire in my eyes yesterday. Most people knew to get back. By the end of our expedition, things were falling out of the cart. I was getting looks from people...which I automatically looked backed and telepathically told them to back off or I might just drop my baby on the floor. They seemed to get the message. But can I just say that despite the panic I felt and the beans and frozen pizza dough falling on the floor multiple times, my kids were amazing. They behaved and were patient...and now I feel a bit guilty for the bad mood they have had to put up with...Thank goodness for new days.

Hoping by next post I have a new little one...
t

The most awkward family picture

2011-04-26T14:08:00.000-05:00

so awkward in fact that I hesitate to post it for the simple fact that it might end up on awkwardfamilyphotos.com...but alas I have to share.

Easter+37 weeks pregnant=awkward. Few women need to be wearing pastels when in their third trimester. I struggled to find a dress. I love the dress...just not the 35 pounds that I have gained during this pregnancy...and I also don't like the angle of the picture (angle is EVERYTHING)...and the fact that I am completely oblivious to the fact that my stomach is taking up half of the picture...

I laugh until I cry every time I look at the picture. My husband was so sweet...He looked at the pic and told me that I might want to scoot back a bit...noted.

I know you are showing all your friends right now and laughing...that is okay...I would do the same thing...and p.s. I HATE this picture.
But let me share another one with you...

Angle is EVERYTHING!

tara--37 1/2 weeks pregnant

Pregnancy at 33 1/2 weeks

2011-03-31T16:33:00.001-05:00

So this is what I look like right now...although I don't know if I am smiling quite so much or so big right now. We are close--very close to having this little guy. My list of projects is absurdly long...you know the things that need to be done before baby enters into this world...last on the list is washing onesies, diapers and other general things that should be done before I have the baby...and so I HAVE to get the other things done first.

I know I'm sounding a little crazy right now...that is because I am crazy. I'll let you know how the list goes...

sincerely--crazy

A glance into our little life...

2011-03-07T14:59:00.000-06:00

Yes I am still here. Yes I am still alive. I am in my 30th week of pregnancy (I think--by #3 all the days and weeks run together...one just holds onto the hope that yes someday this little creature will have to make his debut into this world) and I have hit the brick wall known as the 3rd trimester. Oh I still have all those nesting instincts but they are quickly overpowered by exhaustion. I'm really tired--period.

February was a super busy month. We had E's birthday and then J's parent's came for a visit and then we had L's birthday. While J's parent's were visiting, we had L's birthday party because he really, REALLY loves to think that he is the center of the universe and nothing speaks that to him more right now than for people to gather and celebrate...well, him and his birth. It was a fun month but I am happy that the next couple of months are virtually empty of commitments.

We are slowly preparing for baby #3. I have gone through all the baby clothes and we have a cradle...stuck in the corner of our hallway...which will act as #3's room...we are going to put baby in the corner (sorry...I know it was bad but I really couldn't resist). And that is about it. The nice thing about #3 is that I really do know what I need and don't need. This baby will probably have the least amount of "things" but I promise you, he will have just what he needs...and at infancy that seems to be a clean diaper, milk and lots of kisses.

I started potty training #2 today. Heaven help us! She is doing great...really! She seems to be catching on so much faster than #1. I am feeling like I really need to try to have her trained (mostly) by the time of #3. But let me just put this out there....diapers are so SOOOOOOOOO much easier. We are now chained to going to every public bathroom in Jacksonville...stripping down clothes in such bathrooms...touching toilet seats....and when one goes...everyone goes and so now we have 3 sets of hands to wash. I have just added about an hour to every outing. I'm just saying.

So that is a glance into our little world....

Until I have something more exciting to share....

t

Be still my heart...

2011-02-07T12:37:00.000-06:00

Motherhood is this interesting adventure. Some days are hard--like those days when your kids are sick and puking and you are exhausted--and everything in you tells you to make it better--and you can't. Some days are heartbreaking--like when that kid--you know THAT KID--pushes your kid or rips the picture that he made him or says something like "I don't want to be your friend" and you just have to watch and swallow every knee jerk reaction to punch that kid in the face. Or howabout when your kid ask you about what is going to happen to them if you die...and who is going to take care of them and you realize that the fears of this world are slowly making deep impressions on your precious little one. Some days are celebratory--like when they ride a bike or write their name or just turn a year older. And some days you just are floored by the sweetness of the little creature in front of you that you get to call your own. Today I had some music going and a song came on that I liked so I asked my almost 5 year old if he wanted to dance with me. We twirled and swung and laughed and then the song was over and I went back to my daily chores. A few minutes passed...new song...and my sweet little boy walked up to me and said, "May I have this dance?" in his oh-so sweet 5 year old voice. Cue tears. And we danced. And I'm amazed and humbled that this little boy is mine and feel so blessed that I get to spend the rest of my life loving on him.

It is these sweet little moments that make all of it so, SO worth it.
blessed to be a mom
t

2 year olds are not for the faint of heart...

2011-01-26T21:15:00.000-06:00

So the terrible two's have landed in the Hicks' house. Our sweet baby girl has been more of a challenge since the beginning. She is decided and determined and stubborn--all qualities that are both to her credit and detriment.
When my son hit this mile marker, I felt quite proud of myself. I wouldn't have told you that I was the best mom or that you should do it my way...but really, my kid just said it all. He was for the most part, well behaved. He wasn't the biter or the kicker. He was pretty communicative and so I could reason with him.
And then we welcomed our sweet daughter into the world. She was squishy and sweet and yummy and about as different from #1 as night is from day.

So here we are right on the cusp of her second birthday and something has happened... I wish I could explain it. Perhaps she has just enough words...or enough self appointed independence...something has happened in this 23rd month that has me questioning every mothering move I make...I suppose there is a reason they call it the terrible twos...I guess with my #1 I just thought the rest of the world was being a bit dramatic.
A few weeks ago I decided to move my daughter out of her baby bed and into a toddler bed. I have wanted to start potty training her and so I thought this would be a good start. It is hard to expect her to stay dry and use the potty when she is in a cage. So this was logical step no.1. One obstacle was the pacifier--aka "BB". She loves it. She is only allowed to have it when she is in her bed. Well the funny thing about the freedom of the toddler bed is that she can get in and out of it...with her BB if she so chooses. So now the problem is keeping her in her new bed and training her to self rule herself with her little crack...I mean friend BB. Lately she has been asking for her BB before bed and then as I go to give it to her, she swats it out of my hand. She is of course crying and screaming the whole time because she is obviously not tired. She has done this several times in a row. Yes, I do get it...I'm the one that should be learning. BB has now been put away. We are on night #2 of no BB....and she is sleeping in the pack-n-play...by her choice. So...back to the crib and no BB. At least we are making some progress. And that whole potty training thing...yeah...I'm determined to have it mastered before she goes to kindergarten.
Oy...terrible twos...you may be putting up a good fight but my little girl got her determination and stubbornness from somewhere...

that's so it from here...
t

For the domestically challenged...

2011-01-14T19:43:00.002-06:00

Some women take to managing a home naturally...and then there are the rest of us. If you are a natural, please kindly go to marthastewart.com because this blog entry is going to just annoy you.

I have been living on my own since I was 20 and you would think that in that time I would have developed into quite the housekeeper...but it wasn't until I got married that my cleaning and managing skills were put to the test. It has taken six years but I think I have finally found what works...for me. Granted this isn't for everyone but I am currently sitting in a house that is relatively clean. My floors have been swept, bathrooms cleaned, sheets and towels washed, laundry washed and put away. I DO NOT post this to gloat...I was talking to my mom about this and she said that I should share my schedule. She knows that this is quite an accomplishment for me.

So here it is...

First, I have to come to terms with the fact that managing and by managing I mean cleaning my home is my part of my job...the part I probably like the least but part of my job. Being a stay at home mom, I also have to come to terms that this is one of the reasons that I stay at home...to help manage our house.
That being said...I have to get a clear understanding of what I want accomplished in a week. I really like my house clean. It makes me feel free to enjoy my family. I am not uber organized. You cannot open my closets and find everything in its place and please do not write your name in the dust that is building on my shelves...but I like a relatively clean house (that is also livable...you define what that is). I make a list of all the jobs I want to accomplish in a week. I then lay out all of my weekly activities. I make a schedule and I do the same thing on the same day every week. This is what my schedule looks like.

Sunday: church and no chores (other than cooking and cleaning up after our meals)
Monday: Bible study (morning)
                Wash sheets and towels.
                *I chose this on Monday because Bible study takes a lot of energy
                for me and so sheets and towels are an easy chore for Mondays...and I really like clean
                sheets and towels.
Tuesday: Laundry
                Sweeping/mopping
                Grocery shopping
                *This is a big day for me but totally doable...Laundry does sometimes have to be stretched to
                Wednesday.
Wednesday: Clean bathrooms
*My son doesn't have school on Wednesdays and so I wanted to keep this day kind of
                open...and it is a perfect day to catch up on laundry or grocery shopping...or whatever.
Thursday: Vacuum (morning)
                  Bible study afternoon
*When I vacuum I automatically straighten up my house. I pick up everything off the floor
                 so that I don't suck everything up.
Friday: Straighten up upstairs (our bedroom).

*Another one of my things is when I pick up, I work one room at a time. I start in a corner and work my way around. If I have toys for the kids, I just throw them in their room until I get to that room. That way I don't get distracted in other rooms.
*Also, I work until it is done. Not perfect but done. T.V. doesn't come on in the middle of cleaning. There are no snacks. Sometimes I give myself little rewards like checking facebook after I have one thing accomplished but then I have to get back to my job. I remind myself that it is my job and that no one else is going to do it.
So there it is...I hope I don't sound too "together" because I'm not. Just the other day and friend showed up and said, "your house is so clean!" about 3 or 4 times...you know enough times that I realized there have been too many times she has dropped in and it wasn't clean. :) I'm such a work in progress but this is what I have found that works for me. So...what works for you?

tara

Radom post just to prove I'm still here

2011-01-13T19:59:00.000-06:00

I know it has been a while. I find that after you go on hiatus from blogging it is really hard to get started again and so I'm going to take this nice and slow...
Welcome to Random Thursday blog!

*My dad flew to NC to see us, only to turn around the very next day and get in a car with myself (a pregnant and moody daughter) and my two kiddos to drive me back to OK. It took 21 hours. How sweet is that?!
*I was in in OK for 3 weeks. 3 weeks is a long time to be away from one's home.
*I am quite moody during this pregnancy...just ask my husband, mom, sisters, brother, kids, dad...and anyone that might have crossed my path in the past month.
*My husband bought me an iPhone for Christmas but even more than that--we finally have a texting plan. I know I feel like I have joined the 21st century. :) I like the phone. I'm trying not to be addicted. I love texting...it fits my introverted self quite nicely.
*I am over half way through my pregnancy and quite happy about it. I love feeling the baby move around but really that is about all I like about pregnancy. There I said it...I'm not a gushy pregnant woman. I don't feel beautiful when I'm pregnant. This is the 3rd go around for me and still...not feeling so beautiful.
*Why doesn't NC have any good Mexican food?
*I just saw a video of a man pulling 3 buses with his hair. What in the world would possess a man to do that? That is weird.
*I bought these little Dove chocolate bars tonight...only 60 calories each....which is why I've had 3 and I'm already thinking about the 4th. They are so yummy. Don't get sucked into them.
*I'm sorry this post is so lame. I'm working on it....I promise to do better...or quit blogging.

until then
tara

2010-12-03T18:27:00.001-06:00

So this is the big happening in our little world. I am 17 weeks pregnant with baby #3. I didn't realize that that was what was going on until I was 11 weeks pregnant. I had felt nauseous (which I didn't feel with either of my other kids) but it was around the same time my kids had the stomach flu. It was when my emotions were going a bit haywire that I thought about taking a pregnancy test...and sure enough it was positive. You could have knocked my husband over with a light gust of wind. You see, this wasn't OUR plan. We were going to wait at least another year for several reasons...but God always has a great way of changing our plans to His plans. We are excited. To add to our exciting news...we found out today that we are going to be having a little boy.

Funny being pregnant with the third baby. There are certain things that just don't get old. I have had two ultrasounds and it is still so fun to see that little growing being. I'm really excited about the baby part. You know the tiny little person that smells so sweet. There are a few things that have lost some of their glamor...or perhaps never were glamorous to start with...the gaining of weight, the heartburn, the exhaustion, and then there is always the anticipation of the actual giving of birth...sorry their isn't anything amazing about the actual birth to this girl.

....so that is where we are at...I promise every post from here on out won't be about the pregnancy...and I won't be showing any belly shots...that's just not my bag.

tara

It's a Thanksgiving Miracle...

2010-11-27T19:36:00.000-06:00

That I 1) got all the food cooked and served by 12:00 2) didn't totally lose it even when my pie crusts turned out as total crap (not even one cuss word) 3) that I didn't cry...well, I kind of did but I'll get to that later.

Thanksgiving went well. I made lunch for our little family and then we had dinner with a very sweet family that night.

I started the prep on Tuesday with the making of the pie crusts. I cannot make pies without thinking about my Granny. She always seemed to have a pie at her house when we came to visit. It was sweet to spend the afternoon thinking about her and her sweet legacy...that was until my pie crusts wouldn't roll out and would crumble whenever I tried to make it touch the pie pan. I didn't want to work the dough too much because it makes the crust tough. I put them in the freezer, just hoping that might help. It didn't really. I finally added a little bit of water and made it work...but really...I wasn't feeling good about Thursday at this point.

Wednesday I made the pie filling. I made a pumpkin pie which is yummy and hard to mess up and then I made the pecan pie which you can mess up....and I did. :) I put the eggs in at the end instead of the beginning which means I had scrambled eggs in my pie filling...I used my flour sifter to get the scrambled eggs out of the pecan pie. I then cooked the pies. J wanted a taste of the pecan...and it was a bit runny. You really don't want a runny pecan pie. I turned the oven on 200 and cooked the dawg out of that pie. I think J has had one piece since it was re-cooked. And I don't really like pecan pie...so I'm not sad to not have a piece...my pride might just be hurt a bit.

I was kind of sweating cooking the turkey and since I messed up reheating a ham last week, I decided not to chance it. I had about a 6 pound turkey (did you know they made them that small?) and so I shoved it into the slow cooker with some chicken broth and cooked that baby for 15 hours. The next day, the meat fell right off the bone and was super yummy. Yes, I kind of cheated but at least it tasted good. I finished the meal with mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans, corn casserole, stuffing, cranberry sauce and bread. It took all morning to cook and about 30 minutes to eat...but it was sweet and I was thankful. I did tear up a little bit but it was when I thought about the many families that were without their loved ones on this holiday because they are deployed. I know several. I'm happy that was the reason for the tears and not a burned turkey.

Throughout the day I thought about my Aunt Tommye as I made the green beans. She is the best green bean maker with the right about of bacon, bacon grease (the secret) and beans. I thought about her house we would always go to for holidays and how sweet she was and is. I thought about my Aunt Sandy and the way she made the best corn casserole. Mine doesn't even come close. I thought about my mom and how busy she always was on Thanksgiving. And now I understand. It takes a lot of planning to cook Thanksgiving. And I of course thought about my Granny and Grandmother.

Sorry I have gone on and on...but it was kind of a big deal. We have a couple of other big deals going on in our little world but that is for another day...

until then

ugliest pie crusts ever

Perspecitve

2010-11-18T11:53:00.000-06:00

A new perspective. This is my first Thanksgiving around no family. I LOVE Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday and rose to the top of the list when I was in high school. I love the food. I love the family. I love that it is uncomplicated. There are no gifts...just relaxed enjoyment. Okay, so fast forward 5 years. We are now in North Carolina. It is Thanksgiving and we are going to be alone. I was sad about this for a while. I felt like we had no friends (which isn't true). And then I began to pray about it. I prayed that God would lead anyone that needed a place to our home...and I haven't found anyone that needs a place to go. And so I began to pray a little bit more and realized that I was wanting to have people over so that I could wow them with my amazing cooking abilities. I wasn't wanting to serve others...I was wanting the praise of a job well done. How did I know this? Because who better to serve than my own little family? Is my family not deserving a fancy meal that celebrates how thankful we are and are they not at the top of my list of things that I'm thankful for? I began to realize what a blessing it is to have them to serve! My husband works so hard for our family. My son and daughter bring so much joy to my life. They have enriched me in ways that I can't even explain. I am honored to serve them a special meal and as I cook my first turkey and the traditional Wallace pumpkin pie I will think of all of my family around this country and my special people sitting around me. How rich my life is! And I might shed a couple of tears but it won't be because I'm lonely, it will be because I'm overwhelmed by how sweet my little life is.

I'll let you know how it goes.

tara

Calling President Obama

2010-11-07T19:13:00.001-06:00

On our first day in D.C., we walked the mall. In front of the capital building is a pond where ducks seem to gather. My son was enthralled (as he is whenever there are animals around). We walked around the pond and up to the capital. J and I were taking it all in. Enjoying the scenery. My son was along for the ride but he was still thinking about those ducks. He really wanted to feed them and I just so happened to have a bit of a hot dog bun with me...I know, weird but we paid $10 for that hot dog and my daughter seemed slightly interested in the remaining bun...so you better believe it was going for a ride with us. My son's only concern was if we were allowed to feed the ducks. His dad and I assured him that it would probably be okay if he gave them just a bit of bread but he wasn't convinced. He thought we needed to ask the President--after all he was in charge of the ducks. J suggested that I give him a call and so to the cell phone we went and all those years of theatre training paid off...I had my pretend conversation with President Obama who confirmed that indeed it would be okay to feed the ducks a little bit of bread...oh and by the way, my son wanted to know if he could go fishing with us. Unfortunately, he was a little too busy to join us on a fishing trip. :) With the President's approval, my son did feed the ducks. In that small moment, life was sweet and good and I was reminded of how fun it is to have little ones around.

Notice the moves the Red Power Ranger is making. Always in character. :)

t

With kids getting there IS the battle

2010-11-01T19:18:00.000-05:00

Do you know what I mean? Getting there is the battle. Keeping them happy while you are there is the battle and getting home before your kid has a complete meltdown is the battle. You hope that somewhere inbetween the battles you get a couple good pictures and have a few laughs.

With that being said...We are in Bethesda this week. My husband is taking a class and the kids and I are hanging out in D.C. Now in theory this is such a great idea. Yesterday we went as a family to D.C. We had a good day. We dressed the kids up in their Halloween costumes and took pictures of them all around the mall.

Today it was my turn--by myself. My plan was to go to the Museum of Natural Science. And we made it. My son had fun running from exhibit to exhibit. He loved the Insect Zoo. He took pictures to show his dad. My daughter was a real trooper and as long as she had her blankie and pacie (which she still has at 20 months) she was happy. It was a good day.

But let me just share with you a few of the mishaps...and a bit of advice.

The only way to get underground is by escalators...this is difficult if you have two children in tote and a new expensive double seater stroller...plus all the crap..I mean stuff it takes to keep everyone happy and only two hands. We (and by "we"--I mean me) are slowly mastering the kids riding while in the stroller on the escalator (which I'm pretty sure you're not suppose to do...but I'm at a loss as to how to do get to my destination without such action). I only caused a few people to jump with fright and caught only a few looks of disapproval (or maybe a lot).

When attempting to buy metro fare, do not shove your credit card in the machine all the way unless it says to...otherwise, it will get stuck and then when you are speaking to a kind passerby who is feeling sorry for you, a man will shove his card in the machine and push yours into oblivion. And then after you have waited 30 minutes for the repair man to come and speak to the women behind the glass about what it would look like for you go on and show concern about your card's safety...and then get griped out for not trusting the said women behind the glass and told how disrespectful and offensive you are...you might just want to call it a day before your day even starts. I'm just saying. But we persevered with $20 in our pockets and did get a few good pics.

I do have to give a shout out to some sweet people who are also from North Carolina. They were with a school group and the women couldn't have been sweeter. They made me feel like I was superwoman for attempting to navigate D.C. with my two kids. We ran into them at the museum and they checked on me again. They made sure I had enough money to feed the kids and were as sweet as they could be. And yes, I did get my credit card back. I am a few lessons wiser and unfortunately I had to learn the hard way.

Signing off from D.C.

It is a beautiful building, isn't it?

t

Sisters, Sisters...there were never such devoted sisters...

2010-10-24T19:47:00.000-05:00

Sisters are such interesting relationships. Growing up, we fought, we played, we talked about dreams, we planned our futures and then we fought some more. With high school, we changed, we attempted to figure out life with and without each other and we began to find our own place. College brought more change. My older sister got married. I stumbled and fumbled. My little sister blossomed. And now here we are...all grown up and can I just say...really good friends. They just came out for a visit and it was precious. I didn't realize how much I missed them until they were here. It was wonderful to hang out and not have to go into my back story. It was nice to just breathe a little bit and relax. My babies loved having the aunts here. We explored. We talked. We watched movies. We talked. We ate. All the things that the Kellys love.

Family means different things to different people. When I lived within 45 minutes of each of my siblings (there is a brother in there as well but he wasn't invited to the girls only vaca) and my parents, they were constants. If I needed them, they were there in a heartbeat (well, actually less than an hour). But now living 24 hours away from my family...oh, I don't know...my perspective has changed a bit...they are still constants that would drop anything if I needed them and hop on a plane and fly through three different airports to get to me...but not having them here here...I don't know, I am beginning to understand just how precious they are...and how special it was to have them 45 minutes away...and how sweet it is to see them so willing to sacrifice their vacation and money to visit...just because I might need to be around a bit of family.

I'm going to go and watch a bit of Grey's Anatomy now because if I think about this much more, I am going to go into the ugly cry and my husband will give me that deer in the headlights look...which could be followed by a horribly snide remark by myself...and that is really no way to start a week.

t

The sisters are visiting

2010-10-20T06:11:00.000-05:00

I know I have been the worst blogger ever...but my sisters are visiting and in true bad blogger fashion...I'm just going to link you to my sisters blog so you can see what we have been up to.

What we've been up to...

Waiting to grow up is hard

2010-10-07T10:52:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my son and I were having a conversation in the car about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He told me that he wanted to be a veterinarian which comes as no surprise since he has loved animals from his first breath. And by the way, it is totally fun to hear a 4 1/2 year old say veterinarian. I told him he would be a great veterinarian and he looked at me very concerned and said that he wasn't learning how to be a veterinarian in school yet. I told him that it would be a long time before he would learn how to be vet. He of course asked why. Oh, I don't know, you might need to learn how to read first. :) My boy is ready for the real deal...forget reading and writing that is so last century...we need some instant gratification in the career department. Get in line sweet boy!

Taken care of...

2010-09-24T18:06:00.000-05:00

When we found out that North Carolina was going to be our home, I went to work on housing. We knew that we wanted to live on base but found out that our names couldn't go on the list until we showed up...okay...no woman came up with that policy. So I then went to looking for temporary housing. I got connected to a woman who was willing to rent us a house month to month simply because the house use to be her mama's and she wasn't sure if she really wanted to rent it to anyone. It was also on the same property of her and her husband's house...and a sister and brother-in-law's weekend apartment. We signed the contract and I was relieved to have a place to move into....Little did I know what a sweet gift God was giving to us. This family opened up their home and hearts to my little family that was right in the middle of the biggest move we had ever been in. They loved on my babies. They brought over furniture. They smiled and were happy with us when we told them that we would only be living in their house for a few weeks since our housing went through much quicker than we anticipated. They listened to my sweet son talk...and talk...and talk. God put these sweet people into our lives and we are so thankful. Mrs. Marshburn was there to share practical advice, a listening ear, a mama's heart and strength and courage that comes from a life of living it. And she also gave me one of the sweetest gifts that will be cherished and only passed on to the child I love the most (just kidding...sort of)...she gave me her mom's seasoned iron skillet. Shhh...don't tell...it was suppose to be our secret. Just have to love Southern hospitality...I take that back...you just have to love good people who take in a little family that needs a little piece of stability in the midst of chaos. Marshburns...I really do thank God for you.

t

Come boy...come climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy...

2010-09-22T20:19:00.002-05:00

(Wiping tear from eye...cue reference to "Giving Tree" and song "I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends"...because nothing says growing up to me like the theme song from "The Wonder Years"...and I'm done...I've lost it...cue ugly cry).

This is my sweet son on the first day of PreK. I thought I would be sad to send him off. Last year, it broke my heart. I couldn't fathom him being gone every day and all those ugly mean kids teaching him the ways of the world...but then we moved. My sweet boy is an extrovert with two parents that lean toward the introvert side...The move has caused my husband and me to take more time recouping from having to get out of our comfort zones so often and it has nearly suffocated our boy. He loves people and friends and we left them all back in OK. My sweet boy does not meet a stranger and he quickly went to shaking hands and kissing babies at the pool/park/in the street but we were still unpacking and real friendships weren't being made. That is when I discovered that he could go to PreK on base for free at the primary school. I quickly enrolled him and counted the days. I thought I would be sad but really I was happy...so so happy for him. I knew that he would love the challenge of the activities, the new kids to win over, and just the everydayness of it. I didn't have time to be sad that he was going to school because I was more sad that he didn't have any friends...and he really wanted friends.

So we are a week and a half into it and he loves it. He is meeting kids and figuring out the system. He got to be the line leader the first week of school and that was pretty much like being picked to be the President of the US. I have had a few moments where I look at him and think, "where did the time go?" and a few, "this is it...we will be doing this for the next 12-16 years." But I then remind myself to cherish these moments instead of be afraid of them. What a sweet gift it is to be a part of someone else's life.

t

I'm still here

2010-09-16T20:19:00.000-05:00

This statement means so much today...

I'm still here after a month of not having the internet...I haven't given up on technology...I am still and ever will be addicted.

I'm still here in North Carolina...Not waking up to find myself back in my sweet home with family 45 minutes away and friends that need not be caught up on my life...they just join in right where I am at.

I'm still here...me...Tara...I'm the same and the sweet thing is that this is the one thing that will never change...me...I may grow..cut my hair but I am still here and a move to North Carolina doesn't change that...

all that being said...so much has happened and so little has happened...does that make sense? Our lives have changed so much this summer. I feel like my little family is still caught in a tornado and we are slowly slowing down and putting the pieces back together. But most of the happenings now are mundane and everyday things...but huge to my little world. The big moments are not getting lost when going into town. The big moments are watching my babies enjoy the ocean for the first time. The big moments are skyping with family. All are big moments to us but perhaps not quite worth noting.

*I finished all the Harry Potters and when I closed the last book I felt like I was losing some really good friends.
*There is a proper way to drive in and out of every parking lot on a military base.
*Indeed, there are alligators in North Carolina...thank you but no thank you North Carolina.
*Sweet tea is served at every restaurant.
*Technology is indeed amazing.
*I still haven't figured out how to do the beach thing without getting sand absolutely everywhere...and just when I think it is gone...I take off my daughter's swim diaper or dump the beach bag.
*There are good people everywhere.
*God is in North Carolina...I knew this but now I KNOW this.

Pictures and sweet posts later.
t

Moving day...again

2010-08-13T05:37:00.000-05:00

So this is it. This is the house that we are moving into. Yes that is water that you see behind the house. Unfortunately, we do not have access to that water from our backyard but it does make for a nice view. The house is cute on the outside. The floorplan is a bit interesting but it will work--we'll make it work.

Our things will be delivered today. It will be nice to have our "stuff" back. We have been amazed at how quickly things have worked for us. We were originally told we would have to wait 6-9 mo for a house. We waited a week. We were told that we would probably not be able to sign the lease until the 20th of August. We signed two days ago. We were told that it would take a week for our things to be delivered from storage...we are getting it today...one day after the request was made. Now...you could say that we are surrounded by liars who don't know what they are talking but I think that we have just been blessed...God's provision has been sweet and yes...I also think we were prepared for the worst cases scenarios and in these cases got the best case.

So...one more move...3 moves in 6 months....4 houses...this should be it for a few years. Here's hoping.

t

Harry Potter and the goblet of sanity

2010-07-30T19:55:00.001-05:00

I have some really sweet and heart warming posts coming but honestly, I just can't go there right now. I am holding on to my sanity with both hands. At every turn you might find me in tears. It has finally hit...I'm not going to be going home after my vacation (which is over tomorrow). You can say that "home is where the heart is"...well, my heart has always been in Oklahoma and I'm not planning on ripping it from there anytime soon. But my body is going to be heading to North Carolina tomorrow. So we have had quite a summer what with J being gone for five weeks...packing...moving and now vacation. I am going to share with you the secret of my sanity...Harry Potter. When the series began 10+ years ago, I just couldn't jump on the bandwagon but my husband is a fan, my sister is a fan, my brother is fan...and oh about a gagillion other people are fans. When J left, I was desperate for anything to take my mind off of missing him. Netflix romantic comedies weren't cutting it...they made me miss him even more and so I started the Harry Potter journey...I was desperate. I needed anything to take my mind off the ache in my chest. It did it. I am now addicted! It is crack on a pieces paper! And can I just say that J.K. Rowling is a freaking genius. So this is me...on vacation...this is what I have done...

It's only been 5 weeks...what is one more night?

2010-07-24T21:27:00.000-05:00

Apparently EVERYTHING. J went to Officer Development School in Rhode Island the week after he graduated. No biggie except it was 5 weeks long...and this was after 4 years of weird schedules and our life revolving around the few hours we might get with J a week (okay, so maybe I am exaggerating but not by much). Also, during these five weeks, we were going to be moving...leaving the only state I had ever called home...leaving a family that I adore and friends that are 3 a.m. friends. And nothing makes you come to grips with that disgusting part of yourself like being a “single mom” to two kids under 5 years old. So…I’m dealing. I’m dealing and I’m counting the days until I see my sweet husband again. Week one…week two…week three…week four…week five (packing and loading week)…and hallelujah it is time. Keep in mind, we have already had to alter our plans by 3 days for Navy reasons. I wasn’t happy about it but I was over it…my Man was coming home! He was going to arrive at 11:00 p.m. This was a little late for me but I hired a babysitter and was in the shower when my phone rang. It was Jason…hmmm (I think) that is odd…he should be on a plane. “Tara I have some really bad news…I fell asleep and missed my flight.” “You’re joking, right?! Are you serious?!” I think at one point I said, “You better pray that I’m not still mad tomorrow when I pick you up.”…I know horrible…it just felt like the final blow or so I thought.

Horribly disappointed, I went to bed. I woke up the next morning and got myself and kids ready for Daddy’s homecoming. We head to the airport. Ahhh…right on time. We shouldn’t have to wait too long. No way am I going to get the stroller for my one year old. I’ll let her walk…she can run to her daddy and I’ll get it on video and it will make everyone cry. We wait…and wait…where is my phone? In the car. We wait. Good grief girl…stand still. You need to go potty, son? Awesome! Finally, 30 min past his arrival time, I know something is wrong. Sidenote: We live in Oklahoma. Not a huge state and so we don’t have a huge airport…who knew that there were two receiving centers?! I didn’t. I realize that I have been waiting in the wrong area for 30 minutes…I go to my car to find my phone. I call. He landed…30 minutes ago and is waiting for me at pickup. Simultaneously, my daughter is sticking her hand in my coffee from earlier in the morning and dumping it all over my car…I’m not going to lie. It took all that I had in me not to completely lose it at that moment…I thought the previous night was the final straw but I was wrong…this was.

We finally picked him up. Somewhat happy homecoming…not really happy but he was home and after a couple of hours, I was extremely happy to have him.

So many lessons learned from this small separation. Preparing my heart for when 5 weeks looks like a short time compared to 6 month deployment.

I’ll end on this…I know that God is faithful and stretching and growing hurts…but I’m so thankful that He loves me and likes me enough to expect more from me…because I’m just beginning to learn what I’m made of.

t

Signs of the Time...Random thoughts

2010-07-12T06:15:00.000-05:00

5:58 am...but I woke up at 5:30 and not on purpose. This is a result of too much on my mind. I have a tendency to gravitate toward the morning hours which is killer when the moment your body begins to rouse your mind starts going 90 mph. I prefer a bit more sleep.

What is on my mind? This is packing week at the Hicks house. The packers are coming Wed. & Thur. and the truck arrives Fri. Yes, indeed it is so nice that we have packers but I still need to get my little family packed for our adventures ahead of us and I'm told that packers often pack how they find something. This does not bode well for me. If you saw my house, you would know my predicament. The only problem is my girl-child. She is a walking tornado (see previous post...I know tornadoes). She is sweet and precious and can destroy my house in seconds. I am trying to get comfortable with the fact that we might not ever see some of our stuff again. I suppose this is a good attitude to have in general. What is the mantra..."I am not my stuff. My stuff does not define me." Well, I'm about to put that to the test.

Yesterday was our last day at the church we have called home for 4 1/2 years. I was happy to be sitting alone because I just cried. I'm a crier during worship anyway...I'm just one of those people. If it makes you uncomfortable, then don't sit next to me. There is just something about worship that touches my heart. But it was rough...to have to say goodbye. The lesson couldn't have been more poignant and applicable. I know that God has a plan for us. I know that he has spent the last 4 years equipping us for what is to come. I'm grateful that God loves in lives in NC like he loves and lives in OK.

So...this is is. I'll let you know how it goes.

tara

Your Mom...taught me that

2010-07-07T19:57:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking about all the great things that my mom taught me and then I got to thinking about all the great things that your mom has probably taught you. So...share. What is a lesson or skill that your mom taught you? I usually don't get much response to these things but I really want to know...share your mama's wisdom with us?

My mom taught me that not all Halloween costumes have to be store bought.

t

Mom

2010-07-02T21:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I have basically fallen off of the face of the planet...or just into the chaos known as "mommydom"...and then face down in to my bed. So blogging for very obvious reasons has fallen to the bottom of the list...not stalking bloggers, just me blogging.

Gorgeous, isn't she? This is my mom. She taught me everything I know about...well, about almost everything. The woman is kind and funny. I could always find my mom in a crowd by her laugh...and that was a good thing because she taught us how to laugh. The woman has taught Bible school my whole life...30+ years and is still teaching...STILL TEACHING. She has developed her own curriculum. I pray that someday she sees the eternal seeds that she has planted...I have no doubt that she will be amazed because one of the sweetest things about my mom is that she has no clue how amazing she is. What an honor it is to call her my mom! Sorry I missed this on your birthday. Happy belated birthday.

t

What do I know? I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord. And from what I know of him, that must be very good.

2010-06-11T21:01:00.000-05:00

My grandmother went home Monday night--to the home she has always longed for. It has been sad but a relieved sad. She was sick. She was hurting and now she's not. Joyce was quite a woman. She loved presentation and tradition. She loved jewelry and books. She loved the Bible and delving into the endless study of it. She was opinionated and stubborn and sweet and always had a kind word to say.
Sara Groves wrote the words that title this post. It is one of my favorite songs and was playing through my head all day Tuesday. My husband and I were talking about how death is our last act of faith or perhaps test of faith. I certainly don't think our salvation rest on how we die but our God being efficient and economical seems to never waste a moment to refine and teach. We watched my grandmother struggle and fight for life but my mom said in the last moment...she no longer fought. She wasn't scared. She went home. What faith! What peace and joy and comfort it is have the hope of eternity! Joyce Butler Kelly, I hope that you are singing beautiful four part harmony. I hope that you are getting to sit and have all of your questions answered. I know that it is more than you ever thought or imagined because that is how our Father is...more than we can fathom.
We will be loving and missing your from down here until we get to see you again up there!

t

Top 10

2010-06-06T20:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the big day. I would say it is the fourth biggest day in our marriage. One was when we got married (I suppose that HAD to be on the list). Number two was the son's birth (again a must). Number 3 was our daughter's appearance into this world and let's be real honest, it has never been the same and now Number 4 is Jason's graduation from OU Dental School. If I knew four years ago what I know now, I would have run away for dear life. It has been more than challenging for our whole family. Thank you God for your sovereignty and grace that led us on this oh-so difficult road and thank you for leading us to the end stronger and wiser.

Top 10 things I hated about dental school

10. Hearing Jason talk about things that I don't understand...I have perfected my eyes glazed over, nod of the head, "um-hm" conversational skills (maybe this should go on the 10 things I learned...okay new list)

10 things I've learned from Jason being in dental school

10. I am much stronger than I thought I was
9. When in doubt, just keep your mouth shut...Chances are that he doesn't like being gone all the time either.
8. You cannot control other humans...this is huge when graduation rests on the shoulders of irresponsible adults and disgruntled professors.
7. It is inevitable...people will think that you are a single mom and be surprised to find out that indeed you are married.
6. All socializing must be suspended for four years...unless you like socializing as a single mom and/or there is free childcare.
5. Things really do seem to work our for the best.
4. No matter how bad it is, graduation is at the end of the tunnel.
3. Just wait...it will pass...whether it be a lonely period, a testing period, hard class, difficult patient...it will all pass.
2. It is all about attitude.
1. It is possible to be so amazingly proud of someone that you have no words to express your feelings.

What an amazing four years. I have watched my husband grow and mature. I have watched him struggle and not give up. I have watched him fail and succeed. He graduated distinguished and what an honor that was but he more importantly graduated with honor and integrity. I am so proud to be Dr. Jason Hick's wife.

Take a good look

2010-06-03T06:51:00.000-05:00

What you are looking at friends is a fiddleback spider. They are one of two poisonous spiders in Oklahoma. Please look and look hard. You see, I had no idea. Because if I had known, I wouldn't have sent my son in the bathroom with a glass bowl to catch it for his bug collection. And I certainly wouldn't have gone in there myself with the bowl when my son complained that it was too hard for him to get it. I realized why...because these little guys are fast! Apparently they don't like to get caught like the wolf spiders do. I didn't know of our treasure until my husband came home and shared with me what I had found. Look at us go.

Don't worry ladies, the mom of the year title is still out there for grabs....I just took my name off of the list. :)

tara

p.s. next time I post....my husband will officially be a dentist!!

Confession Thursday

2010-05-20T07:07:00.000-05:00

I think about my weight as much if not more than I think about Jesus.
I once turned up the radio up in my car so that I wouldn't have to talk to my son.
My kids don't take baths every night...I do this for world peace.
I have a sports bra that is almost 10 years old...and I wear it all the time. happy birthday!
I am a total introvert and would rather go to the dentist than answer the phone sometimes.
I let my kids eat off of the floor...sometimes...or maybe all the time. We don't have a dog...and a mom needs a little help.
I could eat out every meal.
Dental school+marriage+motherhood has been the hardest thing I ever dreamed of doing.
I love elastic waist pants...or maternity pants or any kind of pants with a give.
I don't want to move to North Carolina...not really.

t

Marriage Is...

2010-05-14T11:33:00.000-05:00

Staying when it doesn't feel good...or fun...or romantic.
Inside jokes.
Hard.
Sweet.
Having someone know you and still choose to love you.
Compromise.
Sacrifice.
Shared looks that convey volumes.
Safe.
Forgiveness.
Grace.

Happy 5 to my sweet husband.

t

it's a twister...it's a twister

2010-05-12T20:36:00.000-05:00

In the words of my son, "It was a hit...not a miss...a hit."

We were in a tornado. 31 years on Oklahoma weather and so we knew not to take the tornado too seriously....that was until I saw our neighbors trees flying into our backyard. We ran to the laundry room and waited it out. Minutes that felt long and short all at the same time. We emerged to the front of houses torn off. Trees blown over. Fences missing. And no one hurt. Funny how things can look so hopeless and one can feel so blessed.

Things I am thankful for...

The sweet mom and daughter who were passing out gloves and water.
The neighbor who ran up and down the street checking on people making sure everyone was okay minutes after it hit.
The sweet couple that passed out pizzas when we had no electricity and no way to cook dinner.
Firefighters, policemen and other emergency workers who continue to work...especially the policeman that is keepings the voyeurs out of our neighborhood.
Family from Wildwood who cut branches, raked and helped us clean up our yard.

We are blessed beyond words.

t

The Invisible Mother

2010-05-09T07:38:00.000-05:00

I received this from my sister-in-law some time ago. I'm not sure who wrote it but it so expresses my sentiments on this mother's day.

t

The Invisible Mother......
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the
way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or
even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible..   The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands,
nothing more: Can you fix this?   Can you tie this? & Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a
clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What
number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30,
please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes
that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now
they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.
She's going; she's going; she is gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a
friend from England ..
Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in.
I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so
well.   It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her
inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would
discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which
I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see
finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of
God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the
cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny
bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are
you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be
covered by the roof?   No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied,
'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.
It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake
you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are
building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will
become..'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction.   But it is not a
disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness.   It is the
antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's
bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the
morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for
three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean
I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to
come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to
add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're
doing it right.
And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at
what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by
the sacrifices of invisible women.

You know you are old when...

2010-04-26T18:41:00.000-05:00

Friday night Jason and I went to something called "Dental Prom". I kid you not. It was originally called the Spring Formal or something like that but it was dubbed "Dental Prom" and the name stuck. How funny is that?! We went to DP during J's first year of dental school and now the last year. J started D-school when he was 27 and it became apparent that he was one of the older students in his class. No biggie. We have had age and maturity and focus on our side these past four years. So we gear up to go to DP. I break out my black cocktail dress. It is the dress that doesn't ever have to be ironed and works great for weddings, funerals and...dental prom. Walking in, I noticed that we were somewhat out of place.

*Getting children fed, myself dressed with makeup and heels and jewelry, babysitter informed, blakies in the proper place, pajamas laid out and us out the door seemed to take all the energy I was trying to store up for being out past 10:00.
*My dress was entirely too long. Knee length definitely showed my age.
*I didn't know any of the music and as I looked around to catch some empathetic eyes, I realized that everyone else knew the songs and the appropriate "moves" to go with such song.
*I was yawning over the 8:00 dinner, while the young whipper-snappers seemed to just be getting warmed up.
*Black dress with pearls might say classy but doesn't say hip...apparently strapless, shiny and revealing is the way to go these days and the fact that I noticed how revealing and in my mind "inappropriate" such dress attire was definitely made me feel old. old. old.
*When my requested song "Vanilla Ice" was played only a handful knew the "right" moves...one being my husband. I love that man soooo much.

So that was Dental Prom 2010. It will be often imitated but never duplicated.

word to yo motha!
t

An Experiment

2010-04-18T06:39:00.000-05:00

So I have this little experiment burning in my heart and I am hoping that it turns into a life-changing experience. I know--no pressure, right? So a couple of posts ago, I wrote about a Bible study I was participating in about the life of David and how it drove me to think about him but it also drove me to the pages of the Word. I am a Bible study junkie. I LOVE LOVE LOVE them. I love homework and the accountability of being in the Word. But for David, I was reading in prep for the study on my own. I wanted to get to know this man without the direction of a leader--does that make sense? I have been in Bible studies for so long that I sometimes believe that I can't read the Word on my own and experience rehema (God breathing the Word right into my own life). It was refreshing. I gleaned so much from a handful of verses. God was speaking directly to me and my life and I was challenged and excited. Soooo....I don't know how many of you are out there but I want to offer you an invitation to join me on an experiment. I want to get into the Word and let it speak to me. I am in the process of starting a new blog. On this blog I will share the passages that I am reading and what I am getting from them. I would LOVE for you to join me. Not for you to read my words but to share you own experience. This is not geared toward the scholars or even to anyone particular...it is just a place that I know I can go and track how faithful and present God is on the pages of His Word and in my life. You can find the new site HERE. I am hoping that anyone who has questions or is stumbling (aren't we all?) or is struggling will find hope...not from me but from HIM...because let's face it, we all need a little hope but I'm going to be real honest with you--I don't want just a little bit of hope but I want life altering, "never gonna be the same", "what is so different about that woman and how do I get it?" kind of hope. I have a feeling this is going to be real interesting.

t

We Got Egged

2010-04-11T19:27:00.000-05:00

Easter Sunday, we woke up and I attempted to keep calm while trying to make my little family look their best. Myself and the kids went outside to get a few pics and this is what we saw....

A yard full of Easter eggs with candy. This was almost as good as Christmas. My son was in awe. Also on the porch was an Easter basket with two muffins and two Frappacinos in it with a card that said, "You got 'egged'. Celebrate the resurrection with joy."

It was amazing and memorable and I am seriously humbled that someone(s) would be that sweet. I always think about doing those kinds of things but I never follow through. Thank whoever you are for following through and blessing us.

t

Dilemma with David

2010-04-07T13:20:00.000-05:00

So I've been thinking about David, you know the king of Israel David. I am currently one week into a Bible study on him and so it makes sense that he has been on my mind. I have to admit that before now, when I thought about David I always thought about his sins. You have all that killing...and that whole adultery thing. I'm learning...I'm changing the way that I see this man after God's heart. But let's go back to the adultery thing. I don't know about you but I have a hard time with this story. Not only does David take Bathsheba for his own but then has her husband killed. Really?! So as I was pondering all of the things that I thought were wrong with this story and began to question what God was trying to say. I then received a revelation. As we think about the story of David and Bathsheba we have a gut reaction to his behavior. It is so wrong! It isn't right to abuse power like that. And I felt like Christ was saying "Exactly." Often when we think about unsaved friends, relatives or even just the masses of unsaved in this world...we often ask, "Why doesn't God just force them to love him?" I would like to say for the same reason that it feels so wrong in our spirit that David forced Bathsheba in relationship with himself. Jesus doesn't abuse his power the way that David did. Jesus could force his love on us. He could destroy the enemy and take us to be his own but that isn't love. Jesus is an even better king than David ever dreamed. Jesus desires us so much more than David's desire for Bathsheba but he will never force us to choose him. Thank you Lord for being so gentle with us.

Minivan Mama

2010-03-29T06:35:00.001-05:00

So it is official...I am now a mom. Silly you...you thought it was those two blessed, beautiful children that I birthed but how wrong you were...it is the minivan we just purchased. I have no issues with minivans (or at least I thought). I thought that I had "always" wanted one. The space is unbeatable and the fact that I don't have to break into a cold sweat every time my four year old opens the door in a crowded parking lot is priceless. But then we found one. It was a descent price...more than enough miles but with our coastal move imminent, it seemed like good timing. My sweet husband (who does not have hang ups about such things--bless his heart), gave me the green light. He said that if I wanted it, it was mine. This was the kicker for me...it was (is) an Oldsmobile. "Old" is in the title. It wasn't a Honda or Toyota or Chrysler or even Dodge...it was (is) an Oldsmobile. I struggled. I thought. I wondered why the decision felt so hard. I realized that one, it certainly was sealing my fate a mom. There is no questioning--I have children and rocking out still feels a bit awkward while driving it. And two, I wasn't getting exactly what I wanted. Now there is a philosophy out there that says "do not get it unless it is what you really want." Unfortunately connected with this philosophy is not the wisdom to save, wait patiently or maybe even surrender some of what you think you want for perhaps what you can afford. And this is where I was caught. I chose to surrender some of my "ideal" for the reality of this minivan. And now I drive an Oldsmobile Silouette and my son LOVES it!! It has so much room and I have to say that it is just in time because we start soccer practice this week and what kind of soccer mom would I be without the minivan...even if it is an Oldsmobile. Happy Monday everyone (my sisters...because I think they are my two readers).

Resurrection

2010-03-22T06:54:00.000-05:00

It just occurred to me this morning that we are so gearing up for Easter. Oh, I have thought plenty about what the kids will wear. I have been preparing their little matching outfits and thinking about how I might blend into the mix. Will I require Jason to wear a tie this Easter or will he be able to get away with a polo? Seriously, these have been my thoughts. I have not given one seconds thought to preparing my family's hearts for Easter. My son is now at the precious age of 4. He is beginning to really think about Jesus and realize that he can call out to him any moment. What a missed opportunity, if I didn't really make something out of the weeks to come!
It is interesting, yesterday I heard an amazing and I mean amazing message on the imputation of Christ. It took my breath away at times as I contemplated the enormity of my sin that Christ took on himself. What is interesting is that a message like that can touch me so deep and that I can come home and continue to think about how cute my kids are going to look Easter Sunday. I DO NOT think there is anything wrong with wanting your kids to look cute. Good grief, I waited in the Just Between Friends consignment line last night for an hour so that my kids would have a whole Spring/Summer of looking cute but I am feeling convicted this morning of prioritizing their outer being and giving little regards to their eternal being. And with that being said, what am I doing to prepare my own heart for Easter. I have to say that I am thankful this morning for the humble love of God. He so sweetly and gently is reminding me that there is more to Easter than outfits. I do not doubt that my children will look adorable this Easter but I hope that their insides match their outsides...I hope mine do as well as we find joy and gladness and hope and love as we ponder on the sweet eternity that was offered to us that first Easter Sunday.

Just My Luck

2010-03-18T20:48:00.000-05:00

So during the crazy week of moving that followed the crazy month of February in which I had multiple birthdays to celebrate and multiple birthday parties to host, it was decided that my sweet husband and I would get away, if only for a night, during spring break. My sweet in-laws are watching our darling children tomorrow night and Jason and I are going to OKC for the night. Sure it is only 30 minutes up the road but you know what?! It isn't my house. I don't have to go to sleep thinking...I should've cleaned those dishes...or why does my son feel the need to ask deep theological questions before going to bed...or did I drink one glass of water today...I am going to go to sleep in a room with a big T.V. and no toys that I might step on and no one waking up in the middle of the night needing my attention. I'm excited. I'm excited about the adult conversations and going to restaurants and not needing to apologize for the spill, the food on the floor, the fit that my child is throwing. We might even go to a movie or a book store...maybe even a coffee shop...activities that I love and haven't done in oh about 4 years.
So wouldn't you know it...we are suppose to get a blizzard on Saturday. I'm not even kidding. 5-10 in. There is something so wrong about this on so many levels. I guess on the bright side...we might get snowed in to our hotel...and oh shucks, we might just HAVE to stay one more night. I'll let you know how it goes.

t

O Brother

2010-03-11T14:13:00.000-06:00

You are a survivor. You survived too many close calls as a baby. You survived being "raised" by three older sisters. You survived countless concerts, plays, football games, graduations, weddings, births and birthday parties. You are good and you are kind. You are real and you are funny. You are talented and committed to your dream. What a joy it has been watching you become the man you are. I am so proud of you little brother. Thank you for being you. Have a wonderful birthday.

t

p.s. stupid blogger won't let me upload pics

Random

2010-03-10T14:19:00.001-06:00

Life is crazy in our little world. We moved last Friday and I am living in a land of chaos and boxes. My sweet in-laws and husband did most of the moving while I attempted to choral the children. My one year old is quite the little handful. If there is a closed box, it must be opened. If there is an opened door, it must be closed. If the box is full, she takes it upon herself to empty it. Whew! How many more of these moves are in my future?! Too many to think about at this moment and so I won't. God was so sweet to us and provided a house in Norman (close to most of my son's activities) but the previous renters left a very lived in home and so I have divided my time between cleaning doors and floors and unpacking. I was without T.V. and internet for 5 days. It is amazing how disconnected I felt. In the middle of all of this, my son got sick. He is a sicky. He was born with a poor immune system and so he seems to catch things that no one else gets. And so I was spending my nights nursing him and his crazy high fever and during the day unpacking and nursing him and his crazy high fever. I'm kind of over this whole moving/sick kid thing. We close on our house tomorrow. It has made our move to North Carolina all the more real. In 5 months I will be doing this whole thing again. Okay...I'm done with the random thoughts. I was just so excited to be using my computer again that I had to connect.

t

"Big Kid"

2010-02-27T19:42:00.000-06:00

He was five days late...an eternity when you are waiting for your first. I contracted. I went to the hospital. They sent me home. My water broke and I labored. We went in and I labored. He was in the wrong position and I labored. He never moved. 26 hours later, they took me in for a C-section. I couldn't have been happier than to hold my sweet first born.

Four years later. He continues to move at the same speed as to which he made his way into this world...his own speed that is. How precious his ways are! I love being his mom.

Sold

2010-02-18T14:35:00.000-06:00

I have some fun pictures and future posts stored up in my little brain but it isn't happening today. We have been a little crazy here at our house. We sold our house! Crazy, I know. We have a closing date set for March 11. I'm sure you are thinking that I have been spending my time packing and getting ready for this move but you are wrong. I haven't even started. To tell you the truth, I'm in denial. We won't be making our coastal move until July and so I have been frantically searching for a place to live until July. No luck! We do have a back up plan that involves a family member's house that is vacant but it is about 20+ minutes from our activities. And I have been throwing a fit about moving twice...and living far away from our activities...and eventually living so far away from our "life". I haven't reacted like I have really wanted to (kicking, screaming & hitting)...the "fit" has been silent except for the bad mood that everyone in my family has had to endure. And here we are...less than a month from making our first move in this adventure...no boxes packed and God doing a work on my heart. He has shown me the idol I have made of comfort and security. "God I can love you so much better from the comfort of my home..." This isn't how I wanted to be. I wanted to be at peace. I wanted to laugh and get my kids excited about the new adventure and hug my husband and tell him that it is going to be fine because it is fine...and that I am so proud of him for his big accomplishment...that he is my home and really mean it...but already things aren't going like I "planned". Our house sold too soon. Renting isn't working out. I'm not ready to leave!! Faith is so easy when life is easy and going according to "plan". Don't get me wrong, the past four years have been hard and some days were excruciating and some days were lonely...but I had the security of my home and familiar surroundings and my little world was in "control". Now we are finally about to say goodbye to OUHSC and little did I know that I would also being saying goodbye to security and control I know that it is just a perceived security and control but it made me feel good none the less...and this is what I am really wanting to cling to right now.

So....Lord, take my heart it is thine own...it shall be thy royal throne...God you are my home and you are my comfort. Your ways are not my ways...Your ways are higher than my ways. Thank you for loving me so much that you would try to grow me. Lord, teach me how to accept and learn. You are worthy of my trust. I believe...help me in my unbelief.

t

Sweet baby girl!

2010-02-11T20:43:00.001-06:00

How sweet is that little face?!

I would love to tell you a wonderful, sweet and funny story about how this little girl made her way into the world but the predominant memory is pain. I had been contracting most of the afternoon but the contractions weren't regular. My husband was at school and it just seemed like such a hassle to pack up the toddler and go to the hospital only to be told that I wasn't in labor and be sent back home. So...I waited them out for several hours. Around 5:00 I called my Jason and told him that he needed to come home and get me. It was time to go to the hospital. We arrived. I was dropped off at the front door while Jason parked. I made my way up the elevator periodically pausing for contractions. I was filling out the paperwork (periodically pausing for contractions) when Jason and my toddler showed up. Jason was calling his parents to pick up Liam and we were getting no answer. They escorted us back to the examining room. I have to say that the last thing you want is an examination when you are in labor but it seems to be the one thing that everyone wants to do when they come in the room. I was told that I was dilated and effaced (whatever...at this point all the details got blurry). I remember asking..."so I am in labor? You aren't going to send me home?" The nurse said with much assurance that I was indeed in labor and no I would not be going home. She called my midwife. And we waited...and I agonized over the pain. Jason and my little one were in the room with me but when the pain was too much and the screaming had to happen I surrendered company and shooed them out the door...and that is when my husband did one of the sweetest things he has ever done for me--he told the nurse that I wanted an epidural. She immediately began prepping me for the much needed numbing drug. Things seemed to be progressing "quite nicely" and by that I mean the worst pain I have ever felt was ripping through my body and I new that something unnatural had to be clawing its way out of my womb (moment of silence for the beauty of birth). I was wheeled to a labor and delivery room. While in route a nurse saw me and said, "Woa! Do you need help?" I guess she thought I might deliver in the elevator. I only pondered on this for a moment before I was breathing and gripping and gasping my way through the next contraction. My midwife's wonderful face showed up and she saw that I was being prepped for an epidural. She said, "What are you doing?" to the nurse. "Prepping her for her epidural. "No your not." In her defense, she thought they were giving me an epidural when I didn't really want one. I looked at her with desperation in my eyes and said, "I need an epidural." There was no argument. She offered to check me first to make sure I wasn't too far along for one...I told her not to bother...I WANTED AN EPIDURAL! Jason is still gone at this point. I call him to tell him to hurry...while on the phone my water breaks. My midwife checks me and tells me that by the time the epidural takes, I will have already delivered my little girl. Jason arrives minutes before the pushing is about to begin. My midwife is frantically trying to get prepped for this little baby that can't wait just a second longer. Through much pushing, breathing and laboring, she made her way into this big, wide world and I have to say that this world is so much better now that she is here. I survived although I still can't talk about it without cringing in pain. From the get go, my daughter taught me that I am much stronger than I thought. Now having known her for a year, I realize that she was born true to her personality. She is quite stubborn and decided and when she sets her mind to it, she is going to make it happen. Happy birthday sweet girl! You filled a void in our family I didn't even know was there...and we are so much better because you are in our life.

t

Happy Belated Birthday Dad!

2010-02-10T13:19:00.000-06:00

I have put this off not because I didn't want to do it but because I kept finding myself at a loss for words (I know, shocking!). How do you tell the man that has had the greatest influence on your life how much he means to you?! Words just seem so shallow when I consider the depth of my dad.

Thank you Dad for your kindness and love. Thank you for your faithfulness and goodness. Thank you for your unyielding morals and uncompromising faith. You have provided our family with a rock to hold on to and have guided us with wisdom and patience. You have our respect not because you demand it but because you deserve it by being the same man at home that you are at church and at work. You live out your beliefs and that is no small thing in this world.

Thank you for believing in us when we didn't. Thank you for leading us when faith seemed to be your only guide. Thank you for being you. You are loved more than you will ever know. I am honored to call you my dad. Happy Birthday!

tara

Happy Birthday Sister and Dad!

2010-02-05T07:04:00.000-06:00

*Tomorrow is my big sister and dad's birthday...and seeing as I am having my daughter's birthday party on their special day...I thought I would celebrate them in my own little way today.*

Dear sweet Kasey,

I hardly know where to start. You have been my constant for as long as I know. You saw me through awkwardness, heartbreak, helped me navigate middle school, high school, college and now motherhood. You are the only person other than husband and kids that I talk to everyday. You are one of my best friends and I can't tell you how special you are to me.

What a wonderful day when you were born. You eased our parents into parenthood (and somewhat prepared them for me...had they began with me, there might not have been 4 Kelly kids). You have graced all of our lives with your sweet spirit, good nature, hilarity and loyalty. You keep our family connected and communicating which is no small feat. You love us when we are unlovable and fight for us when we have no more energy to fight. You give of yourself so freely that I stand by amazed at the generosity of your spirit. You have such a special way of making people feel comfortable and at ease.

You help define what our family is and who we are and if for some moment we forget or grow weary, you are there to encourage, fight and stand. I love you for that. Thank you for the beautiful example of love that you live out every day. Happy birthday.

t

*My Dad's will have to come tomorrow...life happened.

Crafts, Cakes and Cleaning

2010-02-04T13:41:00.000-06:00

This is a big week at my house. As I have stated in an earlier post, our house is now up for sale. I could go into all the emotional blah, blah, blahing but I will spare you--for now. We have had several showings this week and that is wonderful but keeping my house clean is craziness. I love the results but to get it there multiple times a week is like (oh, if I were witty, I would insert something oh-so funny and clever but not today folks...and so I lamely write...) impossible. My daughter toddles about the house and finds her favorite drawers and shelves that she empties daily...I basically follow her around and pick up what she has disposed of. And so we have had lots and LOTS of cleaning at our house but this all works in my favor because this Saturday we are having her first birthday party. The theme is "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and there will be a whole post on that later. I made her a shirt and tutu and I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited. After her party, we are going to celebrate my sister and dad's birthday because their actual birthday IS on Saturday and they are so kindly sharing it with my little daughter...okay with me because let's face it, the girl has no clue what is going on and will probably have a melt down half way through. Prepare for the worst hope for the best. So I have several posts working up in my little brain. I hope to find a moment to jot them down. Until tomorrow...

t

Birthday

2010-01-29T13:26:00.000-06:00

Mandy has a photography contest going on at her site and I thought it might be fun to participate. The theme this week is "Birthday" because it is her birthday today (shout out!). This is from my son's 2nd birthday party. We had a puppy dog theme...and as you can tell from the picture--every party has a pooper! Okay...so it must be said...it's his party and he can cry if he wants to...I know, I know...I just had to...you know you were thinking it.

p.s. my brother Nathan (who is a great photographer) took this picture...is that cheating?

The Hits Keep Coming

2010-01-26T19:19:00.001-06:00

I had this really sweet entry all ready to be posted but tonight calls for a post of a different mood. Our house is on the market. We got the official sign last Friday. We had our first showing tonight. I spent a couple of hours cleaning today. During all of this my son was not feeling so great and looking in his eyes, I knew sickness was on the horizon. He took a nap and I knew that sickness had landed but he was taking a nap and at the same time my daughter was taking a nap and my house was clean and quiet. My husband came home. My son woke up...he didn't feel well and so I parked him in front of the toilet. He never threw up and so we hoisted him out of the bathroom and into the car so that we could get out of the house. (sidenote: selling a house with two toddlers is horribly difficult). He sat in his car seat and started throwing up. He threw up all over himself and the carseat...and his blankets (but not in my clean house--thank you God). I ran into the house and grabbed wetwipes and a change of clothes...and we were off. Ahhh the misadventures of motherhood...Beat that!

Story Worth Reading...

2010-01-20T21:12:00.000-06:00

There has definitely been a lack of inspiration in my life lately. We are trying to get our house ready to put on the market...Jason is still getting into the groove of this semester...A year later and I'm still adjusting to life with two kids...and I'm pretty much just focused on me and my little world. I'm not going to lie, it has taken a few days for the reality of Haiti to set in. It has taken several news stories and others pleading for us to pray to Haiti and "do what you can". But I can say today that my heart breaks for this small country. The loss of life is devastating and rebuilding will be overwhelming...and so I am praying. I wanted to direct you to a post on Beth Moore's website. It is such a wonderful update from a woman that is serving in Haiti.

Blush and Bashful

2010-01-17T21:06:00.000-06:00

They are the women that keep me sane...and perhaps sometimes drive me insane. They are the women that know me and still love me. We can make eye contact and share a secret joke that brings us to tears without ever saying a word. I have to be careful how much I share about those that have hurt me because they would have a hard time forgiving those people not because they necessarily dislike them but because they love me. They are creative and talented and sweet and kind and funny and have helped make me into the woman that I am and set the example of the kind of woman that I want to be.

She was our excuse. Happy belated birthday Amy!

This was our destination.

It was a wonderful weekend!

t

Getting the ball rolling...

2009-12-29T16:13:00.000-06:00

So I have been trying for several weeks to come up with something clever to write and quite honestly cleverness eludes me. I thought about sharing the ups and downs I had in 2009 and some of my resolutions for 2010 and then thought against it...who wants to see that? I thought. I have made several yummy dishes lately and thought about sharing those but I'm not as amazing, organized and don't have as much energy as the Pioneer Woman and so at the end of the day, I just can't be bothered taking pictures of it. But as the time ticks forward, I am becoming more and more intimidated by the fact that I haven't written anything...and I'm afraid that if I don't write something soon, my blog will go to the happy blog burial ground and then in the not so distant future, I will think of something I want to share and have to begin a whole new blog...and I just can't let that happen...and so here I am writing about nothing...and I'm so sorry if you have read all of this and you are no better for it. Just know that I'm trying here. I'm hoping that if I just put something down...I'll have a good post in the next few weeks.

t

Life Unscripted

2009-12-24T17:36:00.000-06:00

We are at home on this Christmas Eve which is sweet and wonderful and a bit disappointing. We are suppose to be at my in-laws tonight hanging with wonderful people and celebrating this wonderful season...but a blizzard has passed through OKC and we are at home living a life that is certainly unscripted. I had intended to post this passage from Max Lucado but didn't think I would have time...well, I have time....so this is one of my favorite Christmas passages by Mr. Max Lucado. Merry Christmas!...and can I just say what makes this season so special for Christians is not the fact that it is Jesus' birthday but that at one point in history 2000+ years ago...our God was born in flesh and that is AMAZING! because he knew why he was coming...he was coming to die and I don't care what you believe...when someone undeserving of punishment takes the blame for you....it is amazing and touching and life changing.

Mary's Prayer

God. O infant-God. Heaven's fairest child. Conceived by the union of divine grace with our disgrace. Sleep well.
Sleep well. Bask in the coolness of this night bright with diamonds. Sleep well, for the heat of anger simmers nearby. Enjoy the silence of the crib, for the noise of confusion rumbles in your future. Savor the sweet safety of my arms, for a day is soon coming when I cannot protect you.
Rest well, tiny hands. For though you belong to a king, you will touch no satin, own no gold. You will grasp no pen, guide no brush. No, your tiny hands are reserved for works more precious:
to touch a leper's open wound,
to wipe a widow's weary tear,
to claw the ground of Gethsemane.
Your hands, so tiny, so tender, so white--clutched tonight in an infant's fist. They aren't destined to hold a scepter nor wave from a palace balcony. They are reserved instead for a Roman spike that will staple them to a Roman cross.
Sleep deeply, tiny eyes. Sleep while you can. For soon the blurriness will clear and you will see the mess we have made of your world.
You will see our nakedness, for we cannot hide.
You will see our selfishness, for we cannot give.
You will see our pain, for we cannot heal.
O eyes that will see hell's darkest pit and witness her ugly prince...sleep, please sleep; sleep while you can.
Lay still, tiny mouth. Lay still mouth from which eternity will speak.
Tiny tongue that will soon summon the dead,
that will define grace,
that will silence our foolishness.
Rosebud lips--upon which ride a starborn kiss of forgiveness to those who believe you, and of death to those who deny you--lay still.
And tiny feet cupped in the palm of my hand, rest. For many difficult steps lie ahead for you...
Do you feel the cold sea water upon which you will walk?
Do you wrench at the invasion of the nail you will bear?
Do you fear the steep descent down the spiral staircase into Satan's domain?
Rest, tiny feet. rest today so that tomorrow you might walk with power. Rest. For millions will follow in your steps.
And little heart...holy heart...pumping the blood of life through the universe: How many times will we break you?
You'll be torn by the thorns of our accusations.
You'll be ravaged by the cancer of our sin.
You'll be crushed under the weight of your own sorrow.
And you'll be pierced by the spear of our rejection.
Yet in that piercing, in that ultimate ripping of muscle and membrane, in that final rush of blood and water, you will find rest. Your hands will be freed, your eyes will see justice, your lips will smile, and your feet will carry you home.
And there you'll rest again--this time in the embrace of your Father.
--Max Lucado

-t-

Your Hands

2009-12-20T20:11:00.001-06:00

Well, this isn't the Christmas post that it should be but that is coming. Tonight my thoughts are other places.
My husband is in his final year of dental school. He is also in the Navy. He joined during his second semester. Our family has been blessed by this decision. Jason was put on a salary and we were able to complete dental school with half the debt we originally thought we would have to take out. In return we owe them service. Jason will begin serving as a Navy dentist this summer, post-graduation. He has also been accepted into an advanced education program with the Navy. All of this sends us to North Carolina.
I have had many moments to myself this weekend...I know--LUCKY! I heard this song this morning and I have a feeling it will become my anthem in the next year...

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

-t

Who would do such a thing?

2009-12-18T18:44:00.000-06:00

As I was getting my family ready to spend our weekend in Texas with my husband's family (which I didn't even get to go to because my daughter has some unidentifiable virus), I noticed this. No not the messy counter...the corner of the paper towel was used...and still attached to the roll. This looks like something a preschooler would be guilty of but when confronted, he denied it and totally told on his dad. I asked Jason and he smirked and said that he had wiped off a spoon on the corner of the towel but that there was still a lot of good paper towel left. Really?!!

I'm off to get my craft on.

t

Happy Birthday Sister!

2009-12-15T07:06:00.000-06:00

Dear Amy,

I know this is a day early but I have a couple minutes to myself and as we both know that is not likely to happen again today or even tomorrow perhaps and so I'm utilizing my time.

Happy Birthday sweet sister! How precious you are! What a sweet day it was 28 years ago when you were born. Sure it only took me about 15 years to realize it. (p.s. Sorry about that) And although this might sound like a year book entry, so be it. You are sweet, kind and oh-so funny. I remember when we were in high school, we would laugh until we cried at least once a day. You have such a good, tender heart that is driven to do the right thing. You have a way of making people feel at ease and special. You are so good at taking the spotlight off of yourself and allowing others to stand in it...and you more often than not, have made them look very good by your personal style and touch. You have a way of not only seeing the potential in thrown away doors, frames, windows, furniture etc. but of seeing the potential in people. You are loyal and traditional...all the while accepting and edgy (go fig). Your love of pretty things has brought grace and style into our lives. You give and give and give and quite simply sister, I really do think you are amazing. What a special person you are! Happy Birthday! I hope you have a wonderful day, week, month and year.

-t

Pigs and kitties...in the kitchen

2009-12-10T22:44:00.000-06:00

So I was preparing dinner the other day and my 3 1/2 year old was helping. He is such a good helper...really.
Side note: I was looking for a video we rented today and he had taken it out of the car and put it next to the T.V. where it is suppose to go. He just has the sweetest heart.
So back to the story...Over Thanksgiving, my father-in-law and Jason's uncle went hunting for geese. They brought 11 home. My kids and I happened to be hanging out at my in-laws house when they arrived back from their big hunt. Liam was fascinated by the geese and watched as they cleaned and prepared them. He willingly ate the goose that night for dinner.
We have naturally started having conversations about meat and where it come from. As Liam was helping me cut up the ham for dinner the other night, we began to talk about how ham comes from pigs. I said, "We also eat beef from cow." And Liam said, "...and kitty cat." "Ummm...Liam I don't think we eat kitty cat." "No it's too furry." Yep Liam, that cat fur can be a real downer when your eating.
And then just a few minutes later Liam told me that we needed to buy a pig...and then when he is bad we could kill it and eat it. Always thinking.

So those are the conversations we are having in our kitchen while making dinner.
And be careful when you are around my son...apparently we just kill and eat things that are bad.

Merry Christmas

Just do it...you won't regret it

2009-12-07T07:02:00.000-06:00

I like to cook but I don't like complicated recipes. I also don't have super sophisticated tastebuds that require fancy ingredients that always seem to offer minimal taste. Go fig! My sisters bought me this little baby for my birthday and I have to say that it is probably my favorite cookbook. I haven't tried a recipe that I didn't like. I'm just saying give yourself this gift this year....and use it!! It is so worth it and your whole family will love you for it. Oh and our dear Pioneer Woman is from Oklahoma. She also has a website that is full of great ideas and recipes.

tara

I am thankful for a bathtub...

2009-11-25T08:30:00.000-06:00

The story goes that my Granny was at a women's retreat or something of the sort and the leader asked them to share what they were thankful for. Well being good Christian women, each person went through their list that inevitably included spouse, children, church, country. It was my Granny's turn and she said that she was thankful for her bathtub and being able to take a bath. It makes me smile every time I think about it. Leave it to Granny to make it real. So on this Thanksgiving Eve, I am thinking about what I am thankful for and whereas my husband, beautiful, healthy children, home, faith and country are at the top of the list, I think I want to make my list a bit more basic this year.

I am thankful for running water and indoor plumbing.
I am thankful for being able to read.
I am thankful for grocery stores.
I am thankful for electricity.
I am thankful for our cars and our house.
I am thankful for my microwave and oven and stove.
I am thankful for air conditioning and heating.
I am thankful for the stream of conveniences that make my life easier.

I don't mean to sound materialistic. I just know that I take so many of these things for granted and life without them would defiantly be more difficult. I have to confess my own attitude of entitlement. I so often take these things for granted, thinking that I deserve such luxuries and give very little thought to the fact that not only do I not deserve them but that majority of the world is living without such "necessities". And so on this Thanksgiving I am thankful for all those things that make my life easier and give me the freedom to enjoy the luxurious love of my family.

Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!

-t

This is Share Time

2009-11-18T06:33:00.000-06:00

So in light of yesterdays blog, I would love to know some of your favorite Thanksgiving traditions and/or memories. I am always looking for ways to make the holidays more meaningful for my family. Please share!!

Thanksgiving Kelly style

2009-11-17T21:06:00.000-06:00

I just read my little sister's blog on Christmas commercials. It made me smile. Our family loves Christmas. I would say that it is inspired by my mom but my dad certainly gets into the spirit of this wonderful holiday. All of that is to come in the next month but while I'm reflecting on holidays with my family, I feel like I should share some of the wonderful things about Thanksgiving Kelly style.
*We were always the hosts of this great day.
*There is enough food to feed a small country--completed by roast, ham (which is always so salty that we are lucky to get our rings off of our fingers at night, right mom?), turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, 7 layer salad, fruit salad, broccoli and rice, green beans, baked beans, sweet potatoes and rolls and then the desserts consist of pumpkin pies (yes that is plural), pecan pies, and a few other fattening pies just for good measure.
*It was always fun to see how quick my mom went into panic mode trying to get the house in order before our guest arrived as we sat and watched the Macy's Day parade--her tradition to panic--our tradition to laugh and enjoy the parade (I would like to say that this has changed a bit in the recent years as we have grown up...but it hasn't really)
*Cinnamon rolls (there is a whole post coming on these babies but can I just say it is what heaven will taste like--if we can taste heaven)
*The annual trip to Big Lots and Kmart. That is right folks, it is impossible to be thankful without a little shopping. And nothing says "Thank you for our harvest" like Big Lots. And what is Thanksgiving without a slushee from Kmart. I'm just sayin. And I have to say that I am usually very thankful for things like shoes and shirts when I leave these stores. Apparently some people don't own such things and that is why they have to come to the store without then on.
*Then the leftovers that get to be consumed.
*There is laughter and love and family and thankfulness and kindness and everything that one hopes for when they dream about their perfect holiday and I get to be a part of it. I have been a part of it for 31 years and I have to say that I am truly thankful.

Blessings,
t

Teach Your Children Well...

2009-11-11T17:22:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to share with you some info on Wildflowers: Character Resources. My sweet friend Sarah started this business as a ministry to come alongside moms and help them learn how to grow character qualities in their children. It is great, she does all the research and then offers information and resources that are applicable to the character quality you are working on with your child. She also has an amazing monthly newsletter that emphasizes a particular character quality. Sarah provides tons of ideas, scriptures, stories, songs and encouragement. They are usually applicable to the season or holiday that is celebrated within the month. It is just such a wonderful resource!!! Check her site out!

Also, I am going to be hosting a come and go party the first weekend in December. She will highlight some of the resources and books she has for sale and also have a character lesson for the kiddos. If you are interested, leave a comment.

-t

Rantings of a SAHM

2009-11-10T22:06:00.000-06:00

"Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity."--Erma Bombeck

I am a stay at home mom. I never really planned to be a stay at home mom but when I got pregnant, Jason and I both agreed that it was a good choice. He was going into school and it made sense to have me at home, taking care of things. I was excited about my new role. I was a new wife and now a mom. It was what I had wanted as long as I could remember.

Now almost 4 years later, my perspective is perhaps a little bit different. I love being a stay at home mom but I will now be one of the first to shout "Amen" when the difficulties of being a stay at home mom are the center of conversation. I have been thinking about it over the past few days and what it is exactly that makes being a stay at home mom so hard. When explaining it to people, it sounds so simple. I take care of our kids. We get to spend our days at the park and zoo. I clean the house and do the grocery shopping. I make my own schedule. Whereas that is all true they are all oversimplifications. I find it difficult to explain what makes it so hard--for me. The monotony of housework is unexplainable. It has to be a bit like Chinese water torture. Dishes--it doesn't matter how often I do them, they are never done. Or they are all done, but guess what it is dinner time and now I have a whole mess of dishes to clean again. The same can be said about laundry. It gets done but unless it is done while naked, I'm already behind. I clean up messes and then I clean them again and again and again. That, my friends, is hard. And let's talk about motivation. When I worked out there, I was motivated by a paycheck or expectations. I do not get paid and there are no bonuses and/or raises. I don't have a boss over me telling me how to do it and what needs to get done (unless you count my husband but he isn't really like that). I do make my own schedule. So what keeps my house from falling apart? What keeps me making dinner every night? What gets me out of bed in the morning and in the shower? Me. I'm not being egotistical. As a matter of fact, I think it was easier when I left the house to work. And then let's talk about the fact that I am talking and reasoning all day with a 3 1/2 year old (the 1/2 is very important to him). And he is a talker. Some days I love it and some days it is just too much. I long for adult conversations. I long for alone time. And I do get alone time but it is always at some expense. And that is fine but some days it is a hard reality. And don't even get me started on the pressure to raise smart, well rounded, achieving, kind, loving, independent people. Yeah, good luck with that. And then there is just the spinning plates...always spinning plates.

But I wouldn't change it right now for the world. I am learning so much about myself--my selfishness and capacity to be selfless. I am learning how amazing it is to watch to little people grow and change and learn and love. I now know what it feels like to love someone (or two little someones) so much that it hurts.

Whew I just needed to get that said. There is more but I have written enough that I feel relieved.

-t

I am that mom

2009-11-05T14:46:00.000-06:00

Let me introduce you to Peter from The Chronicles of Narnia. This was my son's costume for Halloween. He loves The Chronicles of Narnia and has seen both movies multiple times. Yes, I am the mom that lets her 3 year old watch the Narnia movies. I watched them with him. You should have seen his face when the White Witch killed Aslan (I had already warned him that this would happen). He was heartbroken and you should have seen his face when Aslan rose from the dead. VICTORY! It was a sweet moment and I look forward to seeing the same realization occur when he begins to truly grasp the love and sacrifice of Christ and his victorious resurrection...but I digress.

So in this obsession, my mom bought my son some little Narnia figurines that she found at Ross. We have Prince Caspian, Peter and Edmund. Well, I happened to find Lucy and Aslan. All together, we spent about $11. Well, obviously, we must have Susan. We have to complete this poor family. So I began my search for Susan. I visited far too many websites that I know were run by people who buy the toys only to leave them in the box. What?! I realized that Susan is a rarity. I guess they thought they should only make 10 of them because Susan was kind of going through an awkward phase and I guess they thought no one would buy her. Oh Susan we want you!! But we don't want you for $60!!! Yes folks, $60 for this little toy! I kept digging and looking. And then I found her. There she was on ebay for a mere $25.99 plus $9 for shipping. I had to have her. Her family was waiting! And then reason began to take over. I don't even spend $35 on...well, on anything. So here I am about lay down a load of cash for a plastic toy that will in the not so distant future find its way to the bottom of the toy box. I think. I ponder. And then, I did it. I bought her. She will be arriving from Canada in the next 10 days. She will not be opened until Christmas morning and who knows by that time she could be old news and never played with....but she will be with her family and that is what matters. So, I am that mom that spends way too much money on a toy that she hopes will bring a smile to her son's face--all the time knowing that he has no clue the effort and money that went into getting her into his little hands. Oh and if you think Santa is getting the credit for this one...you are crazy!! This is all me folks.
And to my son's credit, he does play daily with his Narnian toys.

Welcome November!

2009-11-01T20:32:00.000-06:00

I love this month! I love the fall colors. I love the frost in the morning and beautiful warmth of the sun in the afternoon. I love the smell of spices and coffee. Most of all, I love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday and has been for some time. I think that it has something to do with the fact that we always hosted Thanksgiving. There was no traveling involved. Everyone came to us. We stayed at home and watched the Macy's Day Parade (which I still do). The food was always amazing and I do love good food. And the day seemed to lack the stress that always went with Christmas.

Sorry, I'm feeling a bit reflective tonight but I'm realizing at this moment that this year feels especially significant. Chances are I won't be "home" next year for Thanksgiving. We will be moving mid-summer across the country to one of the coast and now we find ourselves talking about frequent flier miles and which holiday would be the best one to travel on and so forth. In my mind, I have already picked Christmas...if I had to choose. So, I am cherishing. I am enjoying--not just the anticipation of a wonderful Thanksgiving with family but how wonderful Oklahoma is this time of year.

So this month, I am determined to be thankful because I have so many reasons to be thankful. Next year...well, who knows what next year will bring but today I can say with confidence that I am thankful for my home that is nestled in a nice community that is in a state that might not be the most beautiful or have the coolest attractions but is full of kind people. And I am so happy to be in a country that despite its many faults, seems to always try to do what is best. And that is just the tip of the iceburg folks. I am so thankful for my husband who works incredibly hard at being a student and equally hard at being a dad and husband. I have two precious children that make me smile just by being. Most of all I am thankful to have something to believe in and to know that it isn't a whim or something to make me feel better but the beautiful, mystical TRUTH of Christ.

So November, I welcome you. My prayer is that each day is enjoyed and savored for the gift that it is.

-t

Dental Humor and Halloween Don't Mix

2009-10-28T16:03:00.000-05:00

Apparently our Jack-o-Lanterns have
a case of periodontits.

I thought it was funny.

Crafting my head off

2009-10-13T07:28:00.000-05:00

So I am a crafter. I come by it naturally. My mom was crafting before crafting was cool and my granny was quite the seamstress...so I just thought it was what women did. But I have to say that I find few things as stressful and frustrating as crafting. Oh I still do it because I have this drive in me I can't explain but I feel quite relieved when I can put everything away. I think I really do like it deep down...or maybe I just like the praise that I receive from a good project. :) Anywho...here is what I have been working on:

The plates I made for my kids. They are their "special" plates that are to be used on big days in their little lives.

These are the plates I made for a friend's daughter and daughter on the way.

Shoes I made for my daughter. I like the idea of the bows which were attached by snaps but they didn't work very well. I modified a pattern I found on Martha Stewart's website.

I made several blanket/bag/burprag combos for friends having babies.

This is a vinyl bag that I made (without a pattern-I might add) but I am having a hard time with the straps. All that to say, I'm still working on it.

I know, I'm just a Little Miss Crafty Pants. :)

hello...goodbye

2009-10-11T15:08:00.000-05:00

Hello beautiful new sewing machine that has multiple stitches and is quiet and wonderful.
I cannot tell you how much I look forward to getting to know you. And please,
if I get mad while I am sewing, it is nothing personal towards you. It is just that the
hobby I have picked for myself challenges the ever-loving daylights out of me.

Goodbye sweet Singer. When I was given you by my Granny, I thought you would be
just another piece of furniture but you came to mean so much more to me.
You were frustrating and made no sense at times but I loved you. Go in peace.

Hello beautiful new refrigerator that my husband bought for $125. I love you and your whiteness. Sure the fact that the ice maker has yet to work is a flaw. One in which my son felt the need to take before the Lord in prayer--it is kind of a big deal but I am willing
to overlook it because, after all, you were only $125.

Goodbye refrigerator that was hardly ever used. Sorry I didn't get to know you better but I would love to have the space in my garage...and we certainly aren't going to move you!

Goodbye black refrigerator. You served us well. Thank you for letting me paint you black and attempt to cover up the eyesore of ice/water dispenser (that also didn't work). I know covering up this flaw made you feel better too. You have new owners now that are in college and are going to probably take advantage of you and not clean you but you will do fine. They won't even mind some of your ugliness...I mean your uniqueness.

And last but not least, I need to simply give a shout out to my coffee maker. I have had it since my Freshman year in college and it brings a little ray of sunshine in my life every morning. I make my one cup, drink half of it and then let it sit on my counter the rest of the day. Without you, my mornings would be long and without color. You are sweet and I don't think it is too much to say, "I love you!"

At a loss...

2009-09-27T21:49:00.000-05:00

I am at a loss as to what to say. I am creatively dry. I have done a couple of crafts in the past couple of weeks that I would love to share but honestly at the end of the day, the idea of taking a picture of my things, uploading them and getting them on the blog with witty sayings is asking too much. I'm in survival mode. Between swine flu and other weird viruses, a new and hectic fall schedule and Jason being crazy busy with school--I'm out. I really want to be funny and clever and do all these amazing things that I can post on my blog that will have you amazed and a bit jealous that you didn't think of that...but not today...and maybe not even this month and I could go so far as to say this year.

But one thing I can write about is crazy schedules. I'm a a minimalist when it comes to activities but I have a 3 year old who loves to be around people. And so, in the name of good parenting and setting an example, we compromise. We do one activity a day. He plays with some friends or goes to gymnastics. There is church and mother's day out. Can I just say this schedule is killing me?! How do moms do it that have 2 kids in activities and good grief, I'm thinking of a friend that has 5 kids...and let's not even touch all the Dugger-type families out there. How do they keep up? How do they not lose their patience with their kids because the guy in front of them has decided this day at this time to take a leisurely drive? Does he not know that there are places to be? And why is my son asking me another question? I know that we will adjust. I know that someday I will label these "calm days". But for now I'm just trying to remember to breathe.

We got it...Ways to Survive

2009-09-11T10:45:00.000-05:00

I feel much like the lepers in the Bible...I have this need to shout, "Unclean! Unclean!" Yes, H1N1 has landed at the Hicks' house. Unfortunately, it has infected my 7 month old and of course nothing can be done (medicine wise). I am confessing because I am sure only a handful of people read this (if that many) and so I am not too worried about, those of us that are well, being completely ostracized from society.

I feel like I have had 3 years of training leading up to this blasted H1N1 thing. You see, my son often (and I mean often) gets viruses. His temp goes way too high for anyone's comfort. He feels horrible and it last often times 7 days. It is like his little body has a clock and at 7 days, the virus just shuts down. So when we got the diagnosis of H1N1, the PA began to go through all the things that I could do and how I could "treat" it. I never once freaked out which I think she might've thought was weird. It all sounded too familiar.

I wanted to share just a few things that I have learned through the past 3 years of dealing with a sickie. This is NOT medical advice. I am not a doctor. I'm just a mom who has dealt with situations kind of like this.

Main priorities are keeping the fever down and intake of liquids up. With my son, I set an alarm and every 3-4 hours (even through the night), I administer ibuprofen or tylenol (alternating). This could depend on your child. With my son, I tried it a variety of ways but this works best for him. My daughter doesn't seem to need it as often but my goal is not to let the fever get too high. A little bit of a fever is okay...even good, I know that, but I have found with my son, he is going to have the virus for 7 days, no matter, and so why not make him feel as comfortable as possible. Hydration is a BIGGIE! I am still nursing my daughter and so right now all schedules are out the window. She is getting to nurse a lot. There is also Pedialyte which I used a lot when my son was younger. Obivously , you want them to drink water but if your kiddos are like mine, that can be easier said than done. I have also changed my daughter to wearing cloth diapers for the time being. Disposable diapers are so absorbent that it is hard to tell how often she is going to the bathroom (a bit graphic...but much needed info). Dehydration=hospital and I'm not a fan of my little girl being sick but I am certainly not a fan of her going to a big building full of sick people. Also, if your child is over one year, he/she can be prescribed tamiflu which could shorten the duration of the flu.
Then there is the normal stuff...Disinfecting everything...washing everything...disinfecting again...washing again. Sickness happens...but I am a firm believer in being as proactive as possible.

Like I said, I am no expert. I have just have had a sick little boy and through that have had to learn a few tricks.

t

p.s. i forgot to add that you have to get into the Dr. within 48 hours of onset of fever to get the tamiflu.

and when hydrating your little one, try to make it room temp. If it is too cold it can cause them to throw up and with mine, he can't drink too much too fast--that causes him to throw up as well.

the Sting

2009-09-06T07:06:00.001-05:00

I have death on my mind this morning. I know it sounds morbid and dark and a little much for a Sunday but I can't help it. In the past 2 weeks, I have heard of 7 people dying, all of whom are 2 degrees of separation from me. 2 of those were babies, 2 teenagers, 3 adults. Death is no respecter of age, talent, potential, profession and that is what makes it scary, I suppose. We are all at risk and as a mother, it has come into full light that my children are at risk. Being human, we are constantly bombarded by the ugliness and darkness of this world. I'm don't know if the world is really that much "worse" than it has ever been or if we are simply more aware of the darkness through our ever present medias. None the less, here we are and some days it is all I can do to let my son leave my side or to not wake up every hour during the night to make sure my daughter is still breathing. Lately though (before I was faced with so much loss) I have been finding comfort in the fact that God has our days numbered. He knows when we are going to die. He already has it all figured out. And so there has been a release in my own grip...I am beginning to really realize that I am not in control. As I walk with Christ and get to know him more, I am fully convinced that heaven with him will be far better than anything I can create on this earth. These are basic concepts, I know, but to live them out fully is the challenge. I am not typing this to provoke thinking...As a believer, many of us have already thought of such things. I think it is the application...the life changing, soul freeing application that trips us up. It is the whole not being in control that makes us clench our teeth and try anyway. But I suppose we do have some control over it or at least the choice to trust the one that is in control. We don't trust to keep death from coming but we trust that there is hope beyond death. We hope in the man that defeated death and in doing so has freed us. I suppose it is appropriate that I am thinking about these things on a Sunday morning. Afterall, this was the day oh-so long ago that birthed a hope that immortality was more than an idea but a reality.

My heart breaks for all the loss that is being experienced around me. The death that seemed to come prematurely. I am so sad for the families. I am sad about the tragic circumstances that surround the deaths. I am praying that the peace that passes all understanding will rest in the hearts of the countless that seem to be feeling the sting of death.

t

I am a slave to Facebook..

2009-09-02T14:48:00.000-05:00

There it is...I said it. I hope in some small way that it makes you feel a little bit better about where you are in your life. And to be real honest, it isn't just facebook--it is blogs and recipes and email and hulu and whatever other site I can find that has amazing ideas that I will never try but will bookmark with the hopes of trying someday in my forever quest to be Martha Stewart minus her awkward social skills and snotty attitude. And it isn't just the internet or even the computer...it is T.V. and movies. Now if you were to come to my house, this would make you laugh. Our T.V. is all of 19" and is a box. It has to be 10 years old but it won't give up the ghost and so we have no excuse to replace it. And it is our only T.V. We don't have cable. Our cell phones are just run-of-the-mill phones...we don't even text (another thing I think I could get real addicted to). We have one laptop (which I love) that is 4 years old. I go through those silly details to say that I'm not addicted to having the newest and the coolest...I'm addicted to the time sucking technology that creates pictures and connections and information I think that I just can't live without. I am a slave to my technology. This is an idea that I have been living with for a while but it really came into full view when I was sitting at the dinner table last week, with my handy computer, I'm sure checking facebook because let's just face it, it is what I do and my son was ready to say a prayer. My reply being, just a minute. "Yes son God can wait but my friends that I hardly ever talk to but must check on periodically during the day can't." I'm not confessing to be hard on myself but just to say, "Are you kidding?! When did this happen?!" I have replaced relationship with a screen in my living room and a screen that unfortunately can be carried with me throughout the house. I have a choice here. This will not be my life. If I don't want my son to put me on hold someday as he plays one more video game or put God on hold as he creates fake relationships with people on T.V. then I have to set the example of what a life without that stuff looks like. I have set limits on myself and on my son. I want to hear him when he speaks. I want him to know that he is in control of how much technology is in his life. There are always choices. We always have choices and right now I am choosing to post this and walk away...even though I want to check facebook for the 100th time today...just in case I missed anything.

t

Cofessions of a Stay at home Mom

2009-08-23T20:47:00.000-05:00

I'm done. I'm out. I am sitting on my couch. The dirt and dust are falling in love all around me and making little dirty, dusty babies together and all I can do is watch with glassed eyes. The kids are in bed. I am tempted to hop in the car, windows down, coffee in hand, Dave Matthews blaring and drive in search of the contentment that eludes me this evening.

I don't know why I feel like this. I think it began when in the wee small hours of morning I rolled over to hear my husband snoring. Or maybe it was because I woke up at 5:00 to feed my daughter and then at 6:00 to put her pacifier back in her mouth and then at 6:30 to put it back in her mouth. Maybe it was because no matter how early we get up, we are still late for church and I miss the praise and worship which is my favorite part. I know I'm whining. I'M WHINING...I'M A WHINER!! Maybe it is because my husband starts his 4th year of dental school tomorrow and he has warned me that this semester is going to be hard and I DON'T WANT ANOTHER HARD SEMESTER! I don't want to give him up every week night. I don't want to wonder when I am going to see him next. Ahh the life of a Dental school widow. This was our choice. This is our path. I am just tired tonight.

I can walk through all the blessings. Wonderful husband, great kids, good family, food, clothes, shelter...etc. but tonight it isn't making much of a dent on the stationwagon sized bad mood. No matter what, tonight I am ever so aware that the needs in this house far exceed my capabilities but that fact doesn't keep my charges from looking to me for help...and my gut reaction to be their answer. And no the house will never clean itself and so it doesn't really help me to let the house go for a day because I'm just going to have to clean it the next day. There is only so much inadequacy that one can tolerate...especially when it comes to themself. And yes I know that Christ is the answer. I know that without these feelings I would so rarely fall at his feet in absolute desperation for him...but knowing the right answer and living in the rawness of reality are two different things and they feel oh-so different tonight.

Thus ends my confessions...tomorrow I will be thankful and remember all the things that are wonderful in my life. Tonight I just want to curl up next to my melancholy mood and feel sorry for myself.

sincerely t

Conversations with Martha

2009-07-22T10:05:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning half dazed. My sweet baby needed to eat and I'm the only one that can provide her food at this point. Her being satisfied, I stumbled my way to the coffee maker. I looked at my dirty dishes from the drinks and snacks that were had post-dinner last night and said to myself, "Take that Martha Stewart!" Like I was rebelling against her standard. It was then that I realized that I have all sorts of imaginary conversations with the Queen of "All that is impossible for a real stay at home mom to accomplish without a staff." I often watch her show and laugh at...well, I laugh at her awkward "banter" with her guests...but I also laugh at her complicated recipes and endless list of "interests" that no one really has time to be interested in--except her because she has a staff doing all the things that have to get done so she can have these up-surd hobbies and interests. I don't mean to sound bitter. I have gleaned some wonderful information from Martha. But more than anything, I'm amazed that I am using her as my standard of productivity in my home. I imagine her condescending eyes on my dirty dishes, "tsk"ing my dusty shelves, all the while pretending to like me. So "Take that Martha Stewart"...you are no longer allowed in my head. Kindly take your unrealistic expectations and leave. My head is too full for you to be taking up any space.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

2009-07-17T09:05:00.000-05:00

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;

As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Too much T.V.

2009-07-09T08:53:00.000-05:00

7:00 Curious George

7:30 Sid the Science Kid

8:00 Super Why

8:30 Clifford

9:00 Sesame Street

10:00-12:00 no kid's programming

12:00 Reading Rainbow

12:30 In Between the Lions

1:00 Dragon Tales

1:30 Barney

2:00 Word World

2:30 Thomas

3:00 Curious George

3:30 Arthur

4:00 Martha the Speaking Dog

4:30 Word Girl

This was done by memory folks. It is the PBS schedule. I like to pretend I am the mom that limits her child's daily T.V. intake. "We don't watch that much T.V." I want to be able to say with the smug "Mom of the Year" look on my face but the truth is that T.V. offers such wonderful babysitting and it is free. It allows me to take a shower, read the Twilight series, maybe do a craft or two and if I am really looking for something to brag about, I might cook a little dinner. The only problem is that my son has taken to turning the T.V. off and looks at me with the eyes of a responsible adult and says, "We have watched too much T.V. today." Have we now? Have we really?!

Decisions I blame on post-partum....

2009-07-07T10:31:00.000-05:00

All you moms out there I'm sure have them. Albeit ashamed, embarrassed, laughable, you know that they are there. You know, those decisions made when wading in the swamp of sleeplessness, poopy diapers and lest we forget out of control hormones. Those decisions that sounded like good ideas while all the sane people around you raised an eyebrow and shook their head in silence. And yes the silence should have said it all but the cloudiness of all that is known as post-partum would not let you fully interpret what that silence meant.

This is mine....

Yes, he looks sweet, cute and oh-so innocent but really he is a teenager tucked into a half yorkie half westie mix. I was tired. I was emotional. I wanted my son to have all he ever dreamed of as long as that didn't require me getting up with him in the morning to fix him breakfast while the baby still slept. I'm still not quite sure why I thought a dog might help. Granted, I had just watched Marley and Me. I was touched by the joy that even a "wayward" dog could bring to a family. But I was reminded again that Hollywood loves to produce lies. Our sweet little Charlie, as we like to call him on his good days, is harder to take care of than my 5 month old. He has forever altered (aka ruined) my living room rug. He and my son aggravate each other as if they were experienced siblings. His barking is so loud and high that I wonder if I am experiencing that scene out of Teen Wolf where the kid blows the dog whistle and the oh-so talented Michael J. Fox holds his ears and runs in terror after the whistle blower only to find out that yes he is becoming a dog. He has been going to doggie school and we are the family with the dog that no one will talk to because we have ruined the experience for everyone.

ahhh...feeling a little relieved at getting all of that off my chest. The bottom line is that I'm not sure if I like him. Even as I slowly awaken from my post-partum sleep, my love or even like for him is not growing. He is like the weird uncle that the family puts up with but doesn't really like. So the question is, do we give him to another family that will hopefully have found their long lost dog soul mate and perhaps run the risk of conveying the message to our son that if the decision you make doesn't quite suit your taste, all you have to do is get rid of it and all the evidence...as if it never happened...or do we keep the dog and spend the rest of his existence sceaming, "Charlie bit my finger." I just don't know.

The Smell of Summer

2009-06-10T16:21:00.000-05:00

I went for a drive last night--without my kids--without my husband. It was one of those rare and precious moments. The windows were down. The sun roof was open. The music was loud and I was off to get lost in my thoughts and find the smell of summer. I grew up in a small town that was surrounded by agriculture. I remember when I was in high school going for drives with friends. Music was loud, the windows were down and the woes of life were figured out. As we drove, there often was a sweet smell that would engulf us. It was escorted by the cool of the evening and had the energy of life supporting it. It was and is one of the best smells I have ever experienced. I remember as a teenager stopping and enjoying this smell of summer and last night I was in pursuit of it again. I craved it and all that it reminded me of. I needed to remember the freedom and lightheartedness that I once took for granted. I drove and I drove...and I never found it. I kept thinking that it must be around that next bend in the road. But it wasn't. I finally turned around and drove home. I came home to a little boy who still hadn't taken a bath and whose head smelled of all of his adventures that he had had with his cousins that day and a sweet baby girl who has this crease in her neck that smells of all of her baby goodness. So I didn't find the smell of summer but I think I found something better and I know that one of these days I will be driving with the windows down and I will smell it again. Until then, I will enjoy the smell of my sweaty headed boy and that sweet little crease in my girl's neck that seemed to be made just for my kisses.

-t-

I'm So Granola

2009-06-06T19:48:00.000-05:00

When I was a teenager, I felt my calling was to be a hippie. I wore cut-offs, berks, and pretended to be educated on "hippie" things--as I deemed it. My youthful ignorance is funny to me now. So, getting back to my youthful ambitions, I made granola for the first time yesterday.

There are some excellent recipes and suggestions out there. I got most of my info here. Instead of using maple syrup, I chose to use honey. I also added the almond extract which gave it a nice flavor. Try it! It wasn't too difficult and made me feel like I was doing something that would help the pocket book (since I am already way over budget and it is only June 5...it is going to be a long month).

I am off to hug a tree.

Peace and Love,

Willow (a.k.a tara)

Character Building for our kids

2009-06-04T15:26:00.000-05:00

One of my sweet friends started her own business last year. She is passionate about helping parents teach their children valuable character qualities. Her website is up and running and soooo worth a look-see.

Wildflowers Character Resources

Enjoy!

-t-

Almond Poppyseed Bread

2009-06-03T16:50:00.000-05:00

I'm in a crafty mood but I don't have what I need to follow through with the project I have in mind. I have already survived a trip to Wal-Mart today with my two kiddos--I don't think my nerves can handle a trip to Hobby Lobby.

With no crafting happening, I did the next best thing...I decided to bake. I have found a recipe for Almond Poppyseed Bread. Yummy! I am adding the link.

http://www.ourbestbites.com/2008/12/almond-poppy-seed-bread.html

The only change I made to the recipe was to add a cup of sour cream. I have made the bread twice and both times it was a bit dry. I'm hoping the sour cream will rectify that problem.

I'll let you know.

Weekly Schedule

2009-05-27T17:42:00.000-05:00

I do not claim to have it together by any stretch of the imagination. It is precisely that reason that I created a weekly schedule for myself.

Monday: Clean up from the weekend

Sweep the house

Mop the kitchen

Tuesday: Playdate

Kids' laundry

Wednesday: Grocery shopping

Grown up laundry

Thursday: Towels

Bathrooms

Fridays: Go over the house again and straighten up

I give myself Saturday and Sunday off. Sometimes I don't even do the dishes...so take that Martha Stewart!

* I normally try to pick up right before my husband gets home. I like for us to have dinner, clean up and I consider myself "off" for the rest of the night.

Of course there are many exceptions to this schedule. A sick kid, extra playdate, rainy day, etc. can throw the "schedule" off but because I have a plan, I normally know what has been cleaned, what needs to be cleaned and when I did it last. It just makes my days go by a little bit easier.

Bedtime Mullings

2009-05-26T20:41:00.000-05:00

Both of my kids are asleep. I am sitting here half asleep mulling over the happenings of our day. Not much to think about because we didn't "do" much. But no matter how much is accomplished or not accomplished in a day, I am almost always plagued with the same concerns:

Did I love my kids enough today?

Did I yell too much?

Was anything of real value taught today? (Most days the answer to this question is no but I continue to be amazed at my son's ability to master the T.V. and DVD player)

Did I talk to God at all today?

Was I more concerned about the happenings on Facebook than I was about the happenings in my home?

How many movies/hours of T.V. did we REALLY watch today?

Did I kiss my son at all today?

Did I hold my daughter?

...and the list goes on....

Exhausting, isn't it? For the most part I bombard myself with all of the ways that I have failed during the day. You know, what with the losing of the temper and the unmonitored T.V. watching. But if I am really being honest with myself, I realize that this job is hard...I mean really hard. I know, what is so hard about staying home? I don't know! But all I know is that raising human beings can be exhausting. And the funny part is that as soon as my little ones go to bed for the night, there is this part of me that misses them. Each night I pray that I get the opportunity tomorrow to try again to love on them and encourage them and just hug them because in these small quiet moments when I can actually reflect, I realize how much I really do like my kids--not just love them but really like them and I feel this call to do better.

-t-